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It appears that I have been awarded the prestigious Honest Scrap award by the one and only Lady Farmgal.

blog_award

The little trophy says “This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.” I would like to thank FG for this honour because really, I don’t see anyone more fitting to receive it than myself. I would also like to thank the Almighty for giving me fingers to type, my parents for…….

Rules

  • You must brag about the award (I just did that up there, no?)
  • You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
  • You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
  • Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
  • List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

So here are ten truths about me (as if y’all need more)

1. I once narrowly avoided arrest at Johannesburg International Airport (now O.R. Tambo International) for being in possession of an AK-47 bullet. I shit you not. It was a replica of a bullet, made into a pendant. I managed to get through one airport earlier that morning with the receipt from the shop where I bought it and they let me through bila maswali mengi. So I begged and pleaded and after calling the store to confirm that I did purchase the bullet there, they confiscated it and let me go.

2. I have a very low opinion of modern day feminists. They disgust me. But that doesn’t necessarily make me a chauvinist.

3. I have a habit of nicknaming things. I call my laptop Cathy (coz it’s a Compaq, and it has serious PMS-like mood swings) Pinky coz it’s…well…pink. My two cars were Helen and Helen Bandia. I also have a knack for nicknaming my friends. My phone book contains names such as JVC (Jaluo Very Charming), Frishy-Frish, Bullshit, I Shit You Not, Baengele, M.O.M.C (Mother of my children), Bushman, Powertab, Mascot, Kilunda, Gadaffi, Semantics, Mr Bad, Papa Shirandula, Mr Dad, Ms Ethiopia, KAR 041U, Ms No Panties, Muskaki, Eyewitness, Boxman, Rockstar, Runda’s Finest, Superwoman, Ka Smiley, Frishy-Frish etc.

4. If my little flat was to catch fire and I could only save two things, I’d grab Pinky and Cathy.

5. As mentioned in this post, I decided to mend relations with people who were close to me at some point and shit came between us. So far, so good. But it involves a lot of ass kissing and however much I think I’m beyond that, sometimes it needs to be done. There are some asses I’ve saved for last coz I’m 100% sure the ass owners will enjoy every second of it, and might specify that it be done with red lipstick!

6. I still think Grace M. is pure eye candy. Bite me!

7. When I listen to music (well…some) I picture the instrumentals in form of a painting. I do that for several songs, I simply close my eyes and paint something. It’s beautiful, really. Does anyone know any application that removes lyrics from music thus leaving only the instrumentals? Me thinks that’s the best way to listen to sh*t hop…sans lyrics!!

8. I think I’m a fairly good judge of character and I generally make friends quite easily. However, with my goldfish memory (I sometimes forget what I’m saying mid-sentence!) I tend to forget people quite fast as well. If I meet someone and we don’t click from the onset, then there must be something wrong with them. Most times I’m usually right.

9. ***this entry has been censored by the blog owner***

10. For some reason, people come to me with their relationship issues like I’m some sort of relationship counselor. I take it in my stride though, I do as much as I can to sort them out. The problem with that is that I can’t use those skills to sort out my own relationship issues!

I hereby bestow the Honest Scrap award upon the following deserving bloggers.

a)    Ciiku: your brutal honesty should make this quite interesting!

b)    Kelitu: Shimba Hills Finest, get on it chap chap!

c)    Kahenya: very hilarious blog you’ve got there. We’d like to know a little more about you.

d)    Supaflyshi: you never disappoint as far as TMI goes

e)    Bomseh: rudi into circulation boss!

f)    Zax: Same applies to you, cuz!

g)    KD*: Coz I’ve never tagged you before.

h)   Sultry Nutter: there’s never a dull moment in your life.


Picture of the day!

Arsene Wenger is the master of excuses. Could this be what he has in mind for the post-match press conference in case Arsenal fail to win tonight?

Slanting pitch

Slanting pitch

“Ze pitch was sloping heavily…and we vere attacking on ze upper end!”

What’s on my Playlist?

Cross my mind – Jill Scott

So I’ve been tagged by the good dentist…by the way, how can this one
be a doc when she’s got wazimu aina tatu? Isn’t that an oxymoron? What
if she’s busy performing a root canal then suddenly she changes into
the other wazimu? My dear, that Joe Biden tooth job you promised
me…sahau!

Here goes:

FOUR THINGS I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT

1.   Some family and my friends – I don’t talk a lot about my family and
that’s coz I’ve seen enough drama to fill a few books. I get along
with some, but not with others. Every family has its domestics. But we
don’t get to choose our family and deep down, blood is thicker than
water. I’m fortunate to have friends who love me and have my back on
any given day, and I just hope that I can be the friend that they’ve
been to me.

2.      Chelsea FC – 10 years and counting. I remember back in 1998 when my
bro and I used to do battle on the Nintendo 64. He’s a die-hard Man U
fan, and the only team that I could use to beat his ass was Chelsea.
Soon afterwards I found myself watching them play on TV and before
long, I was hooked. The good old days of Gianfranco Zola (in fact, all
my Chelsea jerseys have #25 in his honour) Gianluca Vialli, Dennis
Wise, Mark Hughes, Roberto di Matteo et al. I’ve supported my team
through the ups and downs and I’m proud to say that mimi ni Chelski
Damu!

LAKINI THAT SCOLARI IDIOT HAS TO GO!!!

3.      Good music – I love good music of all genres (well, except shit hop
and Crunk! That’s just noise) and I’m currently working on expanding
my music collection. I need to get me some Acid Jazz starting with all
of Jamiroquai‘s albums (in my opinion, one of the greatest bands of
all time), Jazz, neo soul etc. I’ve recently started feeling
Afro-fusion and I got Atemi Oyungu‘s album “Hatimaye” (Check out the
song called “Someday“, hilarious and beautiful!) and Sauti Sol’s album
“Mwanzo”. I also got me some Robin Thicke and Papa
Wemba…..auuuuuuiiiiiiii!! Ever seen a chap dancing by himself at
midnight?

4.     Good food – I have a very healthy appetite. I love my food. Nuff sed!

FOUR WORDS OR PHRASES THAT I USE A LOT

1.      Shameless!!

2.      Seriasrey (I don’t know where this came from, but I’ve been using
it quite a lot lately)

3.      Oh drat!

4.      Yada yada yada blah blah fishcake (my high school English teacher
used this a lot so it kinda rubbed off on me)

FOUR THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1.      Own these six cars.

2.      Make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate – I attended a
national school whose motto is “Strong to Serve” (I guess now you’ve
figured out which school that is). During my four years there I learnt
the value of service to others. I taught Sunday School and
participated in hospital visits and visits to the old people’s home
and also volunteered at the Abandoned Baby Centre and Dagoretti
Children’s Centre. I haven’t done much lately in terms of community
service but I intend to pick up from where I left off.

3.      Write a book – I’m thinking up a storyline for this book. I intend
to make it so gripping and convoluted, ending in high suspense that
readers will either burn the book, rip it to shreds, pluck out their
hair in chunks, or shoot the author! (if they can find me – I’ll use a
pseudonym!)

4.      Learn to play the bass guitar.

FOUR THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNT FROM THE PAST

1.      Honesty is always the best policy – it doesn’t matter how badly
you’ve fcuked up, but being honest about it lifts a burden off your
shoulders and gives you a great sense of relief. It’s one virtue that
I treasure in people above all other virtues. There is no substitute
for honesty.

2.     Sometimes what you think you know is merely a tip of the iceberg
You think you know someone then they go out and do some shit that
leaves you thinking…WTF??!!! Sometimes curiosity gets the better of us
and when we do find out that extra information, you realize that you
were better off not knowing it in the first place. Like finding out
that the woman you love has had two abortions in the past. Or that
your pal attempted to rape someone. See what I mean? There are some
things you’re better off not knowing.

3.      If you get lost in a strange town, always walk in a straight line
and you’re bound to find your bearings eventually
– this is one of the
only two meaningful pieces of advice that my brother has ever given
me. It came in quite handy a few times in South Africa where my
curiosity got the better of me and I found myself exploring the
streets of Johannesburg and (that other city I was based in). I once
bought a bicycle and decided to ride it all the way from the shop to
my digz. Si I rode for like three hours!! Good thing it was mostly
downhill and along the beach, so the view was worth it. By the time I
got home, my crotch was sore as hell! Didn’t ride the bike for a week
after that.

4.     When a woman’s fed up, there ain’t nothing you can do about it – R.
Kelly was right. When a woman’s made up her mind to leave your ass,
trust me, there’s jack sh*t that you can do to make her stay. And
that’s the truth.


FOUR PLACES THAT I WANT TO SEE OR VISIT

1.      Stamford Bridge!!

2.      The spot on the beach overlooking the Indian Ocean where this bench
is located. I loved that bench. Bomseh, have you found it yet? I
scratched on it “Archer was here – 2005!”

3.      One country on every continent (does this count as one or five?)

4.      The Bermuda Triangle – just to find out if it really exists. I’ll
let you know when I’m going so if I don’t return, best believe that
sh*t is for real!

FOUR THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY (Saturday)

1.      Had a three and half hour French class. By the end of the second
hour, I’d forgotten what we did at the beginning of the first hour.
Surprisingly this is French 2 and I still can’t speak the bloody
language!

2.      Had lunch with my two gorgeous classmates.

3.      Visited the family for a couple of hours.

4.      Took a very lovely lady to watch Just a Band perform at Goethe
Institut. After that, we hit the hanye (my first this year – hiyo
maneno nili-retire) Mwenda’s then Habesha till like 3am, then went
home.

Right, now to tag some people. Hmm….

1.      31337 – we need to know more about you
2.      Acolyte – and you too
3.      Sultry Nutter – this should be quite interesting
4.      Movie Buff – coz you’ll shoot me if I don’t tag you!
5.      Miss Cherie – to make up for not being a good blog friend.
6.      CB – you too


What’s on my Playlist

Atemi – Someday

Sorry guys, this should have gone up some time last week.


Why do you call yourself Archer? (Majonzi, 5by5, Zack, Nzembi,)

I mentioned here that when I started my first blog in May 2006, I couldn’t think of a suitable name. I had a few suggestions written down (I don’t remember them though) then that night “Swordfish” was showing on TV (for the millionth time) and John Travolta’s character was called John Archer. I thought “hell, Archer sounds ok, so why not?”

From Modo:

Describe Archer (of course the blogger) what kind of mongo is he?

One who doesn’t shy away from telling the story as it is, point blank you could say, and asking the questions that I know people won’t want to answer. One who laughs at silly things and partakes of silliness as well.

Where did he spawn from?

Many bored nights sitting up thinking to myself a lot of things that people in my real life weren’t willing to discuss or answer.

Is Archer the same as the real you? Heheehehehe (Nzembi asked this as well)

You tell me! I think I can change personas depending on the crowd. In many ways, Archer and I are quite alike. Though most times I’m quite reserved, Archer on the other hand talks too much and doesn’t shy away from airing his thoughts about stuff.

Mojo blogo hutoka wapi? (yaani where does your mojo to blog come from)

From the fact that there are several situations that I go through every day, and there’s always someone somewhere who’s been through the same thing and can relate with my experiences. Sometimes, alcohol provides that mojo.

What’s your preferred kiruru and how often do you indulge? (Candybox)

Pilsner Ice!!! Any day! But since EABL only sell it in Tz nowadays, (I’ll have to talk to Crystal Balls kando we make a ka deal like this) Now, I make do with White Cap (A beer of Distinction!) I don’t mind a cold Tusker though, or Viceroy & Coke for just chilling out. Haven’t had Bacardi & Coke in a while.

From Kelitu:

Okay lemme just ask, who would be asking you about other bloggers?! I mean what the hell?? has it come to this now??

If you’ve read all the comments, you’ll see why! There are some loose nuts in this dunia of ours.

I want to know about your dating life…

What dating life? J Well, I’m currently single (you know someone who’s interested? Perhaps a hot cousin of yours from Shimba Hills?) and I’m a proud card carrying member of the BT. Yes, even Archer has his dry days! Women are very complicated creatures, just when you thought you found a decent one, they flip the script on your ass and show their true colours. Or is it just me who always stumbles upon psychos and liars?

Describe your typical Saturday. I find when I ask this question during an interview, it reveals a deep insight about the candidate. (Seasons)

Interview tena? My typical Saturday, hmm… I wake up real early before the sun is up, who am I kidding? I wake up late, probably call up a pal for lunch or sometimes they come over. In the afternoons it’s Premier League & pints with the boys, then after that anything goes, I’m loose like a goose. I’ve failed the interview, no?

From Kirima:

How many Arrows do you have in your quiver?

Ati?

Who are what is the target for your mishales?

Pardon?

How many shots have landed on target when you shoot?

Say what?

Have you also been shot?

Eh?

How long is the arrow shaft? (Ok here you are free to cheat)

Wuuuui!!

From HnH:

What is Kirima REALLY asking? REALLY

I wish I knew! I think the thin air at the mountain top must affected his thought process! Kirima si you expound?

What is the worst lie you ever told a girl to get her into bed?

If I told you, I’d probably never get laid ever again in my life!! Hahahahaha!!! Flattery will get you everywhere, so I work with that.

From Gishungwa:

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Rapidly making my way up the ranks at the UN.

Do you ever want a family of your own? eh how many tois

Oh hell yes!! Tois, perhaps three, maybe four if I can afford that. But if I get two daughters, a son can finish up that chapter.

Define mad skills – in theory – without demos, and please be gentle. (Crystal Balls)

I’m always gentle, my dear! Mad skills in a woman? Well, I don’t do conservative women, she’s got to be open minded and experimentative. Gotta have good head skills (see Aco kando, he’ll give you a step-by-step tutorial on how a woman is supposed to give good head – something about experimenting on a banana) spontaneous, participative, not just lying there waiting for her toes to touch the ceiling, and one who doesn’t shy away from initiating the shag. For some reason that’s been made into the jamaa’s work. Creativity is vital as well.

From Nzembi:

Why mishale?

Actually, Bantu appeared from nowhere and nicknamed everyone, he came up with Mishale so I went along with it. He thought up the URL for this blog as well.

What ticks you off? (Wanja asked this as well)

People who I consider to be of lesser intelligence, or deliberately refuse to engage their brains in any meaningful activity. And people who don’t answer the question that’s been asked. The other day I was at a cyber and my MP3 player had kufad, so I asked the assistant if he had a Sony USB cable by any chance and he replied “unless you come with yours, then I can charge for you.” WTF??!!

Do you think you are interesting? Why?

Not really, coz no one laughs at my jokes in real life!

Describe your ideal chic? (Aco asked this as well)

Most times I don’t do stunningly attractive/drop dead gorgeous women. I like those who I meet the first time and not think much, second time I’ll be like “Hmm…not bad”, third time “Is it just me or iko kitu hapo?” and the fourth time “Damn woman, you’re HOT!” I’m sure you know the type whose beauty grows on you by the day, (sort of like a Maserati Quattroporte. First time I saw it, I thought it was rubbish, now I’m totally in love with it!) Looks aside, she’s gotta be smart and talkative. She’s got to be charming, have a great sense of humour, charismatic and not one of them needy/clingy types. One who’s exciting and can spring up all sorts of surprises every new day.

How many posts have u done so far?

About 120 something.

Did u go for the blind date??

Not yet, the victim blind date is currently on a tour of Europe so I’ll have to wait for her to get back.

From Mso:

What kind of moti would you like to own in 20 yrs??

I only have one choice? Well, that’s a tough one. Definitely a 1964 Lincoln Continental convertible! Perhaps a Range Rover. Or an E Class. Or both! And a BMW Z4 convertible for the weekends, a Land Rover Defender 90 for bundu bashing. And a Harley Davidson, not that I’d ride it, I’d rev up the engine just to piss off the neighbours and make my daughters boyfriends think I’m a cool dad (before I unleash the double barrel shotgun on them!)

Do you like kids?

Yeah I do, I taught Sunday school for four years while in high school! (And I have the framed certificate to show for it) but of late kids just don’t like me at all!!

How did the blind date go??

Bado mami, I’ll let you know how it goes down, when it does.

Why this particular theme for your blog??

At the time I chose it, it was unique, but that was until Kip and his makendes and Sultry Nutter came along and tried to be me! It’s the only one that goes well with my header picture, which I’m not about to change, ever.

What would you do if you knocked up a mama you didn’t love??

Run for the hills!!!! Deny, deny, DENY!! But what would I be doing screwing a woman I didn’t love bila rubber?

Do you believe in love??

Yes I do. Been there twice, but that’s a place I’m not hoping to return to any time soon. It’s a beautiful thing for those who’ve found it.

Do you believe in God??

Definitely yes!!! The Main Man has saved me from too many life threatening situations, and all I can think of is that HE has major plans for me in this life. I might not see them right now, but they’ll be revealed to me in due time.

Your favorite item of clothing?

My customized Chelsea FC away jersey! (Do the leather jockstraps count?) 🙂

Describe your best moment!

The day Chelsea FC will lift the Champions League trophy!

The person you’re most grateful to?

My mother! Without a doubt! She’s my number one! The hard work and sacrifices she’s made in her life to make sure that I had the best education and lacked nothing that I ever needed, that’s something that no one can ever match up to.

The worst moment of your entire existence?

Meeting that breed of human beings known as Afrikaners, and they did what they did. I’m sure you’ve read about it by now.

From Kip (and his makendes) :

How do you blog from Nairobi –isn’t that indanet .very slow?

It’s excruciatingly slow ALL the time. Usually I write down my thoughts in point form in my ka notebook, when I get syke I type them out on MS Word on the PC, then I simply copy paste them onto WordPress when I get online. I rarely type out posts while logged in, I’m not that spontaneous.

Do you have beef with guys majuu [your post from kitambos]

Well, I wouldn’t call it beef any more. Let’s just say that I’m very indifferent and I couldn’t care less. As long as I can write my stuff on my blog, interact with my readers, and I can read the blogs that I enjoy, whatever else people do doesn’t move me at all.

Is it true that you were part of the Kofi Annan Peace talks? Lol!

Yeah, I was supposed to be, but Martha aliongea mbaya so I walked out in protest. It was in the papers, you didn’t see? Google “Mishale storms out of mediation talks after row with Karua” and you’ll find it.

Have you ever met any brogger [blogger]? if yes.. was she FINE!?

Yes I’ve met quite a number of bloggers, and a good number of them are FWYNE like a nonsense!!!! Auuuuuiiiiiii!!!!!!! It’s a good thing you didn’t ask me to name names!

Do you screw alot in college hapo.. well i used to ……..

I did enough of that in SA, a bit too much actually. These days I’m a serious student. Class, library, digz. Hizo side show zingine, I don’t indulge in them no more.

From Pilato:

Imagine you are driving in Nairobi’s bumper to bumper morning traffic..suddenly you throw a ka-glance kwa your rear view mirror..Guess who you see? Yes boss, those two beefy Afrikaans HOBOS who tried to arrange a meeting with your maker sometime back in SA..Its a return match home ground..how would you play it?

Oh hell yes!! I’d definitely return the favour now that I’d be on home ground! I’d bribe some pakis to dismember them, bila hard feelings. Alternatively, karma has a very interesting sense of humour. Were they to try their nonsense in Kenya, they’d quickly realize that Kenyans are not people to walk over and expect no retaliation.

You once told me that “S.A. SIENDI TENA” but i also understand that you got a soft spot for Malawian Sistas…Hebu tell me, if you meet your old college mate back in S.A and he tells you vile your former University admits only Sistas from Malawi…vile kuna mafuriko ya Malawi beauties hukoz..would you wish to catch the next plane to S.A?

I’ll never return to South Africa EVER!!! Not even if I was offered a fully paid up two week vacation in Cape Town, flying first class and having a BMW M5 to drive around, and a limitless credit card, and the finest woman in the world to spend that money on. SIRUDI!! Anyway, I still have my links with them sistas, and I could always go shopping for wife material once I’m done with school.

Do you know the difference between pink and hot pink? just asking. (3TOC)

My dear, pink is pink! My MP3 player is pink (Kirima don’t you dare start on my pink MP3 player!! It’s a SONY, but do I say?) pink Panther is pink, ham is pink, strawberry milkshake is pink, pare pare is pink (sio yangu)…..so you tell me which is which!

I have had storiez b4 in da past dat the Kenyan blog scene is full of sex, drunken orgies & chic swopping, & dat u have screwed many female bloggers & dat you were one of them who wa there. How many bloggers ave u passed thru? (JT)

Wah? You’re serious? This is very interesting! I need to know more! Ehe, so who was I with?

Have u ever hit it before proper introductions had been done…? (Jimmy alias Xs)

A couple of times (I think)

From Bomseh:

Do you know the names of all the chicas u’ve kamatad?

Yes, most of them.

Do you remember the names of your chapa ilales?

Yes, a good number of them.

Do they come back?

Yes, 95% of them!

If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you choose to be and why? (Mwas)

That ka glass thingy for squeezing the juice out of oranges. Need I say why? Si it’s pretty obvious? 😉

@ bomseh…. you DONT say ati chicks you kamatad…. you’ve got to pull the Khayundi (1999) thing you and sema Kamadad …so archer.. how many chiles have you kamadad …? (Kip)

Honestly? I quit counting at some point last year, the numbers began to shock me. But not that the number has increased significantly since then.

Would you ever quit blogging? What is the one thing that would make you quit? (Maggie)

Yes I would. If I ever did anything to mess up my cyber reputation beyond repair, or if the creative juices stop flowing.

From Aco:

Where does Archer see himself in 5 years time?

Done with my Masters and trying to find my place in this world, hopefully at the UN.

What does Archer do on a typical weekend?

I usually sleep in on Saturday mornings (if I’d hanyed the night before) if not, I still sleep in, visit pals or go for a drive, in the afternoons I link up with the boys at the pub to catch Premier League, might hanye afterwards.

Sundays is reserved for relaxation, assignments and preparing for the week ahead. I’m still quite derailable on Sundays should a loose plan surface. (hii ni kazi ya Xs, derailer kabisa!)

What is the most important thing in your life? (Zack)

I’d like to say family, but you of all people know I’d be lying through my teeth if I did. School, currently, is the most important thing in my life.

From Nakeel:

Have tois stopped crying when you hold them?

Nope!! What have I done wrong? 😦

Did you finally get shoes that fit you?

I did!! I got two pairs on the same day! I bet that means my luck for 2008 & half of 2009 has run out.

From Wanja:

What makes your day?

Simple pleasures tu. A good gesture here or there, or one of those feel good songs like “My boy lollipop” & “Don’t worry, be happy” are sure ways of getting me smiling. Or if everything I intended to do on that particular day goes according to plan.

From Modo:

What spoils your day?

Again, small things piss me off and are likely to ruin my day. Like when I panda a mat, pay 200 bob and the kange gives change in those really old defaced notes, or when I’m late and I don’t have the luxury of waiting for a gisty jav and I have to use one of them shady “Maua Sacco” type javs and some mathe decides to sit next to me with her gunias of agricultural produce!

Or silly passengers who insist on keeping all the windows shut on a really hot afternoon when people’s breath & body odour are at critical levels.

Or my silly math lecturer who gives me 32% in all assignments and tests regardless of how much I studied for the damn thing! You wait, I’m going to get a wheel spanner and loosen bolts on his moti, wacha he tries doing a sok on the highway, he’ll find his ass calculating the velocity he traveled on his way to hell!

Would you let a chick come between you and a pal?

Bros before ho’s my guy! Chics come and go, but your boys (in most cases) will always have your back no matter what. I’ve kosanad with boys coz of wanawake several times before, but these days most of them adhere to the code.

If you saw a guy being pigwad mob justice utaingilia?

Boss, si I’d be lynched alongside him? Even though I don’t approve of mob justice, I wouldn’t risk my life, unless it’s someone I know and I could vouch for 100%.

If you saw a guy being pigwad ngeta utasaidia?

Those things usually happen so fast that before you’ve turned to see wsup, it’s over!

From Guess:

Did you remember to ask FG to get you shoes from the UK? I forgot to ask her to ask you about it (– yes I know, I am weird like that.

Thanks luv! You’re not weird at all, you’re very thoughtful! I did get a couple of pairs in December, so I’m sorted!

Boeing or Airbus?

I’ve only been on one Airbus (KQ’s old A310-300s like the one that crashed in Abidjan in 2000) and several Boeings. I’ll have to go with Boeing. They’re way more beautiful to look at. The 737, the 777….

I know the secret to stopping smoking. U interested? I am not kidding, I have been smoke free for six months now – didn’t even suffer any ‘withdrawals’ (gutter mentality notwithstanding)

YES!!! YES!!! I’d like to know! Wait, does it involve mitishamba or anything of the sort? With you, Guess, anything is possible! But sure, I’d like to quit before I get erectile dysfunction in my 20s.

What phone did you get?

I’m probably getting a Nokia N73 or an N70 Music Edition any day now. I love hem both equally, I can’t decide!

The Rock or Con Air?

The Rock, obvioulsly. Just when you thought you’ve seen Con Air one too many times, it comes on different TV channels in consecutive weeks. And there’s only so much of “HE’S GOT THE WHOOOOOOOOOOLE WORLD…” that one can stand, no?

Boston Legal or House?

Boston Legal!! Alan Shore is my hero!

Could you send me a picture of you in a suit (so I can fall about laughing?) No? Ah well, had to ask (

For your information, I do look very good in a suit, sexy even. See me sideways and ask nicely.

From O-hau:

What legacy do u want to leave when the curtains are drawn in your life?

That I did as much as I could to make this world a better place for those that I come across.

Of all the leaders that u know or have heard of, which one would u like to be if u had a chance to relive their life and why?

If I said Kofi Annan, that would be a cliché, but it’s true, I’ve admired the man for a very long time. But he’s had a pretty straight forward life, so perhaps I’d go with Uncle Dan Toro. I’d like to know how it feels like to have absolute power.

Have you watched 3:10 to Yuma? (Nor have I, although I am looking it on DVD right here (Guess)

I was about to ask if you’re off your medication again, then I remembered Wikipedia. No, I haven’t watched it yet, I haven’t even watched Oceans 13!! And I said I’m not watching it until my ex gets me the DVD coz of how much I nagged her to go watch it when it was showing, but it wasn’t her type of movie so she refused (me I can’t go to the movies solo) In fact, she’s probably reading this. F!!! I walaps with my DVD?

What’s on my Playlist?

Africa Unite – Bob Marley

*Edited!*

Sawasawa, I’ve paid the bloody bill ya stima!! Put the candles away!! I didn’t ilke the dark theme anyway.

I see it’s tagging season once again. Unfortunately, this time I’m not going to play ball, I’m going to change things a bit. See, we’ve done the same “6 facts about yourself” tag thrice already since 2006. Why should we keep having the same tag every other year? (I bet we’ll still do this next year) I think after guys have finished with it and passed it on, it circulates in some other part of the world and somehow makes its comeback to these parts every few months.

First, let me tag some bloggers who are yet to be tagged.

Rules

Link to the person that tagged you

Post the rules on your blog

Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself

Tag five people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs

Let each random person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs

 

 

I hereby tag the following:

Zack – coz you’ve never been tagged before.

Kenyanchick– you almost bit my head off last time I didn’t tag you, so here you go!

Kenyanmusings – ati ulienda wapi? Nonsense! Fanya tag!

Kelitu – Shimba Hills’ Finest, hebu fanya vivi hivi upesi upesi!

Milo – Mr. Unmentionables, I don’t care if you’re in semi-retirement. Please do the needful.

Ciiku – spreading the love tu.

Pilato – I don’t think you’ve been tagged yet!

Kip – and neither have your makendes!!

Phassie – it’s about time you updated your blog, so you can start with this!


Instead of doing the tag, I’ve decided to do an “Ask Archer” post. Readers are therefore invited to ask me anything that you’d like to know about me (or anything else in general) Sort of like the “Ask M” (part 1 & part 2) series a couple of years ago. You may ask your questions in the comments section of this post (although I’ll close the comments page on Friday 29th Feb 2008 at midnight lest I be bombarded with 2000 questions!)

After that, I’ll write up a post with my answers to the questions.

Only one rule though, let’s keep the questions at two per person, ok? Otherwise I might not be able to answer them all.

Ok then, let’s get started! This should be interesting!

In other news, Aegeus has decided to retire from the blogging scene. Wish you the best in your future ventures, my friend.


What’s on my Playlist?

The last time – Gnarls Barkley

Can’t a blogger enjoy his hiatus in peace? Now ati there’s yet another tag? Didn’t we have another one just the other day? Anyway I’ve been tagged by Big Orange so lemme be a sport and pay along. But I’ll follow the Half n Half & Klara format, wacha I bakisha some facts for next year’s seven facts tag!

 

1. Where is your cell phone…they’re both on the desk in front of me (I have two, but do I say?)

2. Relationship… about month old

3. Your hair…. definitely needs a shave

4. Work… what work?

5. Your sisters…. wish I had some! With my old lady’s looks they’d have been HOT!!! Then I’d have fun harassing prospective boyfriends!

6. Your favorite things…. Chelsea FC, Pilsner Ice (RIP) good sex, cars, food.

7. Your dream last night…believe me, you DON’T want to know!! Trust me.

8. Your favorite drink….PILSNER ICE!!! (R.I.P)

9. Your dream car….I have too many….here’s half of them. Others include: BMW 328i (dolphin shape) BMW Alpina B5, BMW Z4 M, Lexus IS300, Overfinch Range Rover, stretch Rolls Royce Phantom…

10. The room you’re in….crowded cybercafé, next to a chic chatting with some middle aged European dude on Skype, alafu the old geezer is dara dara-ing his tu chest hairs. GROSS!!! Kwani she thinks I can’t see or hear their vibe? Shameless!!

11. Your shoes…black Jordans

12. Your fears….failure, erectile dysfunction, small women

13. What do you want to be in 10 years…in the back seat of my own BMW 745Li

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend…my computer (had the flu)

15. What are you not good at…dancing (why won’t you guys believe me?

16. Muffins? Not really, I love other pastries though

17. Wish-list item…where do I start? Nokia N80.

18. Where you grew up…Nairobi

19. The last thing you did…bought a Ginger Ale

20. What are you wearing…polo shirt, jeans, ngotha, vest, viatu

21. What are you not wearing… eh?

22. Your favorite pet…SUNKULI!!

23. Your computer…has a virus. Speaking of which, anyone know how to remove “Sembako” manually?

24. Your life…is quite interesting sometimes

25. Your mood…can flip at any instant. Ask the kid I slapped at the stairs at 20th Century yesterday. Feelanga G Unit soldier…kubaff!!

26. Missing…a really, really, really good shag.

27. What are you thinking about… refer to #26

28. Your dream location… some place where I don’t have to hear about ODM-K and Narc-K.  A few palm trees, sun,  cocktails whose names I can’t pronounce, a gorgeous woman with an ample bottom…..

29. Your Ex… grew a kitambi after we broke up! Not pregnant, I mean, a really big sagging belly.

30. Your Favorite Item… er…my cellphone?

31. Your favorite colour….blue

32. Last time you laughed…this morning

33. Last time you cried… 31st July 2006, it was just 2 or 3 tears!

34. School… taking a break for a year

35. Love … is just but an illusion

 

Ok the next blogger who comes up with a “facts about yourself” tag during 2007, huyo tutam*&^%$@#($&#%&^%$&$&*&%$ but in the meantime, I’m tagging Tweety and Kafai. Tell us something about yourselves!

I’ve gone back to my hammock under the palm tree, I’ll be back in August.

 
What’s on my playlist?

Peep Show – Joe

Kwani we’ll be doing this tagging business every year? Last year it was the 6 weird facts about yourself tag (where I did 12!!) I guess I should have been less enthusiastic and left out a few for this year! So I’ve been tagged by both Aco and Kirima, and there’s one more by Kayliz which I’ve taken my sweet time in getting round to addressing. So here goes…

Seven things (that you probably didn’t know) about myself. 

1. I absolutely, ABSOLUTELY loathe hop hop and anything that comes along with it. (I guess that’s  not really a secret by now) My hard drive is running out of memory, so 15 GB of hip hop is soon going to find its way into the recycle bin. 

2. I was the cutest of babies! My mum still has my framed baby pictures  in her office, next to her degrees, diplomas and accolades. I was tiny and chubby, very light skinned like a point five (you’d have thought that someone alitinga bao ya offfside!) And I had curly hair! I wonder what went wrong along the way. Anyway, at least I know that I have the potential to bless some deserving damsel with very cute little ones that will be the envy of other tois in nursery! My 3 year old daughter will be coming home with love letters and lollipops! Any interested damsels are welcome to submit their applications….

3. I have a morbid fear of dogs (except those of the mbwa koko variety) I’m the guy who’ll serenade a chic with the usual lies “I’ll climb the highest mountain, swim across the Atlantic for your love….” But at the first “WOOF!!” I’ll be that little dot rapidly vanishing into the horizon. Sio kwa ubaya, it’s survival tactics. Always look out for number one (self). The only dog that I’m pals with is Sunkuli my trusted german shepherd. The first days were a bit funny though, with the tiny scared puppy running to hide behind a bush, and Archer running in the opposite direction. The morph does have his days though. A couple of months ago, he almost munched off my shin! A swift jab to the ear brought Sunki back to his senses. (Si ungesema you were hungry?) And if you’re wondering why my dog’s name is Sunkuli, he was born soon after KANU were kicked out of office. And his biatch’s name was Ruto

4. I’ve been a Chelsea fan for nine years now. Unlike the majority of bootleg fans who jumped into the bandwagon as soon as Abramovich arrived with his billions and Jose Mourinho. I first started watching the Premier League around 1995 after influence from my older bro who was Man U damu. I decided to venture out and find a team of my own instead of following his choice, so I first supported Newcastle FC for one season (but they’ve never really been going anywhere in a hurry) then I switched to Arsenal for another season (yes I was once a gooner) before we got FIFA ‘98 on Nintendo 64. The only team that was evenly matched with Man Utd in terms of skill and ability was Chelsea, and that was the only team that I could beat my bro with. Later on I started watching Chelsea matches and fell in love with the team. The good old days of the legendary Gianfranco Zola, Gianluca Vialli, Tore Andre Flo, Roberto di Matteo, Dennis Wise, Mark Hughes etc.

5. I chase my Tuskers with a shot of Viceroy to help the Tusker to do its job! Damn you EABL!! Taking away my Pilsner ice without consulting me. YES I’M STILL IN DENIAL!! Nothing else tastes quite like my Pilsner Ice. 

6. I’ve always had a very short temper that has landed me in trouble quite a number of times. I even found myself at a shrink’s office once for anger management therapy. I’ve however learnt over the years to keep it under control. These days I avoid situations that are likely to cause me to explode by either keeping quiet or walking out of the room to have a wooooosaaaa moment. But there are those times when letting loose is just unavoidable. When that happens, you best flee.

  

7. I was quite an artist as a kid. I could draw (mostly cars) exactly as they were, down to the finest of details. My dad once asked me to draw his car on an A3 paper, and he had that drawing framed and hang on the wall in his office (my folks love me, eh?) I’ve always been a BMW fanatic and I once harboured ambitions of one day being the head of design at BMW. Seeing that Chris Bangle and Adriaan van Hooijodonk have really messed up the design at BMW, maybe I should have followed that career path. Coz seriously, WTF is this?

2007 BMW Concept CS

2007 BMW Concept CS

I could stick a BMW badge on my arse and it’d still look better then THIS!!

So who hasn’t been tagged yet? Kayliz, Kipepeo, Shiroh, Betty, Unyc.  Do the needful.

The second tag was to give 5 reasons why I blog.

1. At the time when I started blogging, it provided a good distraction from all the fakism and immaturity that I has to contend with from the idiots in my real life.

2. To rediscover the writing talent that I once had years ago. Clearly I’m not getting any better!

3. To express myself in ways that I’m not able to do in real life. You’d be very surprised to find that the dude behind this Archer facade is quite sensitive and emotional (was until very recently a lovesick fool!) And sometimes very introverted and reserved.

4. A good number of the blogs that I read have shaped the way that I think about several issues, and that has helped me to mature intellectually and to open up my mind to various viewpoints. It’s a wonder why then I subject my poor readers to 5 bob opinions and nonsense every week! And you guys keep coming back for more!!!! That’s the funniest thing.

5. Now this is getting tough! Where do I find a fifth reason why I blog? OK, since my readership demands for a post every week! Gotta keep guys happy!! Can the following characters follow suit and give us 5 reasons why they blog.  

Aco, Methu, Devious, Movie Buff, Kirima.

What’s on my playlist?

Stomp your feet – The Crumpster