McLaren Mercedes


FOKOJEMBE OF THE WEEK!!

Didier Drogba

Mara you want to spend the rest of your career at Chelsea, mara you want to leave, then you want to stay again, next you’re disgusted that you made the move to Chelsea in the first place…. WTF???!!!!

This dude has been earning over 100,000 pounds PER WEEK for the last three and a half years. After how long did it take for him to realize that he had “made a mistake” by joining the club? I think it’s rather hypocritical.

Me thinks Drogba is missing his lover Jose Mourinho. Word has it that Jose used to gel Drogba’s hair before matches, coz that bond of theirs was quite suspect. How comes they were always embracing on the training grounds?

One thing that I’ve learnt after Jose Mourinho’s departure is that no one person is above the team. It doesn’t matter how good you are, but you can always be replaced by someone who can do the job just as well as you can. Such sentiments from Drogba will no nothing but destabilize the rest of the team.

If you don’t want to play for Chelsea, TOKA NA UENDE!!! Alaa?

(Sorry Farmgal, 3N, but someone had to tell it as it is!)

 

In other news making headlines…

Fernando Alonso has left McLaren Mercedes by mutual consent.

 

 

 

Fernando Alonso

Fooresh…………pia wewe TOKA NA UENDE!!!!!


What’s on my playlist?

Kiasi – Jua Cali

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The 2007 Formula 1 season comes to a close on Sunday with the Brazilian Grand Prix at Interlagos. And what a close battle this has turned out to be. There’s McLaren Mercedes’ blue eyed boy wonder Lewis Hamilton who seeks to be the first driver in history to be crowned world champion in his first season, as well as being the youngest driver to win the world title. Then there’s the black sheep of McLaren, Fernando Alonso. Alonso is the defending champion, plus he won the title the previous year. And then there’s Ferrari’s Kimi “I wish I had less vodka last night” Raikkonen alias “The Iceman”

The title can go in any of three directions since the points as they stand currently are:

1.      Lewis Hamilton      107 points

2.      Fernando Alonso     103 points

3.      Kimi Raikkonen       100 points

If you want to know just how close the battle is, refer to this article on BBC Sports.


I’m a McLaren fan through and through. But you’d be surprised to know that my favourite driver is actually Kimi Raikkonen and not one of our current drivers.

Kimi hits the bottle

Talk of hitting the bottle hard!


It’s unfortunate that his immense talent wasn’t fully utilized at McLaren since they’ve always battled with reliability issues, only to solve them after he’s already departed. However much I’d have loved to see Kimi be crowned world champion, not in the first year after he left McLaren for our rivals Ferrari.

I’ve said before that Fernando Alonso, as the defending world champion, is under the most pressure to defend his title. He has more to lose than Hamilton and Raikkonen.

 

Fernando Alonso

But after being implicated in the scandal that almost got McLaren kicked out of the championship this year, and considering the fact that he may be employed elsewhere next year, I’m not rooting for him. There’s no way he can ponyoka with the trophy and return to Renault while McLaren get nothing!!!!!

Which leaves Lewis Hamilton.

 

Lewis Haamilton

What can I say about Hamilton that hasn’t been said already? Almost completely unknown and totally under-rated at the beginning of the season, he has done everything right! Four wins, five runners-ups, Lewis embodies the future of Formula 1. There was always talk of who would replace Michael Schumacher as the biggest name in Formula 1, Lewis is well on his way there.

And I hope to see more of this on Sunday (with a big ass trophy at his feet)I’m praying for  the podium to look like this:  

  1. Lewis Hamilton
  2. Kimi Raikkonen
  3. Fernando Alonso

Hamilton celebrates

All in all, what a fantastic season this has been. Excellent drivers and fierce competition since no one driver dominated the entire season just like Schumi used to do. This is what Formula 1 should be, it shouldn’t be predictable from after the third race of the season.


Sideshow:

Mr and Mrs Iceman

How does one of the most boring and lifeless individuals in the world end up with such a gorgeous woman? (Have you ever heard Kimi during the post match press conferences? Dude can send you to sleep at the very first sentence!! Piriton has nothing on him!!!!) Must be the money, eh?

 

A.O.B: four posts in one week? Jeez!

(Pictures courtesy of Yahoo Sport/Eurosport)

 

What’s on my Playlist?

Long way to go – Cassie

 

Once in the 70s, Mwalimu Julius Nyerere described Kenya as being a man-eat-man society, to which the ever eloquent “Sir” Charles Njonjo aka The Duke of Kabeteshire replied “In that case, Tanzania is a man-eat-nothing society.” It seems that the suspicion that Tanzanians have against Kenyans has existed for a very long time. But this post isn’t about that. Look for a political blog to read more about that.

Nyerere was right about that though. In Kenya, everyone is out to get a little something out of you. If it’s not the politicians fleecing public coffers (legally and illegally) then it’s the cops and City Council fellows seeking bribes. If not them, then there’s a jambazi somewhere seeking to dispossess you of your hard earned money and other possessions. If not them, then there’s some woman gold digging on your ass. If not them….there’s always bound to be someone looking to get something from you.

I found out about that the hard way, last week where I got mugged twice, once by the cops!!! The first incident was rather funny though coz I was actually laughing throughout the process.

We live somewhere on the outskirts of Nairobi, and getting home by public means in the evening is usually a very tricky affair. There are two different routes that one can use.

Route A is closest to digz, but one has to take two mats to fika, one for Eastleigh where you shuka halfway and take another connecting one to digz. It’s a bit complicated but far much safer than walking past Bus Station where you’re almost guaranteed of getting jacked.

Route B is farther away from digz, and the last stage is 4.1km to my digz, but from there, one can take a tuktuk for the rest of the distance. The only problem is that the tuktuks are expensive (Ksh 150) obviously not fare that you can afford to pay every day. And they stop operating at 8pm. After 8pm, there are the Securicor/Group 4/Securex/KK Security double cabs which if you talk to the dere nicely, they can drop you home, but for a fee (100 bob)

On Thursday evening I was is in town heading home a bit late (i.e.past 8pm), lakini I opted against the easier Route A and took Route B. In my pocket I had Ksh 610. Upon alighting at the stage, I walked down expecting to find the kawaida driver for Securex to drop me home. But unfortunately he was on leave and there was anaa dere, who wasn’t willing to drop me for a sok. He wanted 200 bob, which I wasn’t willing to pay. And since it was past 8pm, there were no tuktuks.

Sidebar: Kwanza our hood has anaa red tuktuk emblazoned with “HAMMER” at the front and “NYUNDO FORCE” at the back. Advancement my guy! We have Hummers for tuktuks!!!

Anyway, I whipped out the penguin to try and find a pal to come pick me up, but when the driver saw that, he insisted that the 200 bob could be negotiated and that “tutaongea mbele” so I hopped into the back seat, ensconced between two cops with their AK47s and in the front there was the dere and another Securex guard. We drove for a while before the car slowed down for the “negotiations” to begin.

Dere: Kijana unatoa ngapi?

Me: Mi niko na soo pekee. Si hio ndio vile mi hupanga na (regular dere)

Dere: Sisi hatufanyangi hizi favours kwa pesa ndogo. Ongea vizuri.

Me: Mazee, soo mbili ni mob bana!

Dere: Hauwezi kuishi hapa na hauna pesa! Ama unataka kushuka?

Me: Ah Boss bana, si tunaeza patana siku ingine nikiwa nimejipanga?

Dere: Hakuna kitu kama hiyo.

Me: Sawa wee nifikishe home alafu tutaongea.

They eventually dropped me home, but I couldn’t exit the moti bila paying up first. So I got out my wallet to pull out the 100 bob, but unfortunately also the 500 bob note slipped out.

Cop: Sasa hiyo imeshikana ati unaachia nani?

*lost for words, aki I should have fichad that note elsewhere. But how could I have known?*

Me: Hii namrudishia mtu, sio yangu.

Cop: gichana unatupotesea wagati unatutanganya ati hauna pesa. *grabs 500 bob note*

Wachanga mchezo gichana.

Me: Ah wee ofisaa kuwa serious lakini! Sawa chukueni soo mbili mnirudishie change.

Cop: Ati change? Kwani tunakaa kama kiosk?

*laughter*

I shukad the moti hoping that they were not seriously going to take my 5 sok but shock on my diabz, they did! They turned the car around and bounced, with big smiles on their faces!!!

Dere: kesho ukikwama si tutaonana? Mweheheheheheheheheheeee!!!!

I’ve sareeed!!!

Fast forward to Saturday night. I’d spent a cosy evening out in the company of a very lovely lady. A pal of mine with a moti was meant to join us in town then we’d hanye, but he got derailed and couldn’t make it. So when the evening came to an end, I found myself in tao at 10:30pm chapaing futsubishi to look for a jav since I didn’t have enough cash for a cab. This time I decided to use Route B, knowing what lay ahead if I took Route A. Walking very briskly to catch a mat for Eastleigh, then out of nowhere came these two dudes, one on each side and pushed me towards a dark corner.

Thug 1: Toa doh na mbota! Spidi jo, niko na kisu

Ok at that particular moment in time I was not quite sober, but still, I knew that anyone would have to be a complete idiot to dare dispossess me of my beloved penguin and my watch (sentimental attachment) Kwanza don’t mess with Mishale, coz just as the name suggests, I’m sharp and I’m fast! If you had a knife, surely you wouldn’t need to tell me you have one. If you were a bank robber, you wouldn’t walk into a bank and say that you have a gun. You’d show the bloody gun and let it do the talking. Alaa?!

Quick thinking here. There’s no way I’m being jacked! I caught them off guard, there was a bit of a scuffle, I got thwacked a bit, but in the end I kicked one guy in the nuts and took off like a bullet! Aki that sprint, even Asafa Powell would have nothing on me! Luckily I found a mat that was almost full so I leapt in chap chap. I didn’t even bother to look back to see whether they were in pursuit.

Aki hii maneno ya public transport is not for me, I need a car!!! 

 

Onto other things…

 

RIP

colin-imprezza.jpg

Former World Rally Champion Colin McRae was killed in a helicopter crash on Saturday afternoon in Scotland. Among the passengers in the helicopter that McRae was piloting were his 5 year old son, a friend and his son. McRae will be remembered for winning the Safari Rally thrice (1994, 1999 and 2002) and for being one of the craziest, most daring and definitely most exciting rally drivers ever.

colin-mcrae.jpg

Colin next to his ill-fated helicopter

 

RIP Colin Mcrae.

 

FOKOJEMBE OF THE WEEK

Team McLaren Mercedes were last week found guilty of being in possession of classified information from the Ferrari Formula 1 team and were fined $100 million ($49.2 million Pounds) and stripped of ALL their constructors points for this season, AS WELL AS for the 2008 season. (McLaren were leading the Constructors table before they were stripped of the points)

In fact, McLaren Mercedes were thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to being kicked out of the F1 championships altogether

Among the information discovered were emails sent by test driver Pedro de la Rosa to reigning world Champion Fernando Alonso regarding technical and strategic information sourced from a Fezza insider for more than three months.

I’m ashamed to be a McLaren Mercedes fan. Shameless kabisa. Team McLaren Mercedes, Fernando Alonso and Pedro de la Rosa, y’all are major embarrassments.

Seems like Lewis Hamilton is the only clean person in the team. Go forth and win that championship, young man!!

 

What’s on my Playlist?

Stillness in time – Jamiroquai

If you haven’t noticed already, there’s a new header picture on the blog. Si I told y’all this blog is a work in progress? I came across the photo while trawling across the internet, along with a few others. When I tried them out, this was the only one whose colour didn’t clash with the overall colour scheme of the blog. I have no idea how a photo of an eye ingianas with the general theme and title of the blog, but me likes it none the less. It’s better than that ka tunnel that leads to sijui where….. Ama mnaonaje? 

So now I’ve got to come up with a name for Mr Halfaface. Any suggestions? He’s the new watchie up in the blog and he sees everything! So thugs and hackers (jackers, crackers, buckfutters, whatever) and any other pathetic miscreants up in my environs beware. And vile he’s got a ka mean look, you don’t want to find out what he’ll do with you when he catches you. (Maybe he’s a GSU for those guys back in the day) Can you see that silhouette of a crossbow in his eye? Utameza mshale bana! Don’t mess! 

Anyway, any suggestions for a name for my new friend? I’m open to any ideas coz all I can come up with is Bwana Jicho, but those initials….hehe! Wacha tu! 

 

In other news, I missed the Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix yesterday!! Aaaaaaaaargh!! But at least my team McLaren Mercedes represented vilivyo with Fernando Alonso winning and Lewis Hamilton not so far behind. (Bankelele si you join us now before it’s too late!
Kwanza you did you watch the race?)
 

Now I know I really have to get DSTV coz the morons over at KTN and NTV do not consider Formula 1 to be newsworthy, yet the same idiots will show you highlights of the qualifying stages on Saturday’s sports news. PUMBAVU NYINYI!!
Kwanza I have just the thing for you…
 

 

FOKOJEMBES OF THE WEEK 

KTN and NTV Sports teams:  

1. Robert Soi, Mike Okinyi, Bernard Oduor….nyinyi wote. 

 

Of music… 

Is there any better way to spend a Sunday evening than to tune into the Capital FM Jazz Club? (hosted by Jack Ojiambo and some others) I’m really developing a liking for Jazz even though the only Jazz artist that I know is Duke Ellington! Why?  

In 2005 we had this tired ass Macro-economics lecturer who would send an entire lecture  theatre of 300+ deep into slumberland.
Kwanza his lectures were in the afte…in summer when it’s kedo 30+ degrees outside, and it just happened to be on that day of the week when the school cafeteria had a special on half chicken stewed in sweet and sour sauce. (Mluhya lazima a-represent pwana!)
 

So one day at the Mall I came across a Duke Ellington CD on offer so I bought it SPECIFICALLY to assist in the Economics lecture slumber! When the TA starts yapping, with sijui graphs of what and what….. plug in the earphones, press play on the discman and zone out. (Probably explains why I failed that module in spectacular fashion…) 

 

Speaking of Jazz, while in SA late last year I copied lots of music from other guys’ computers, and I found this gem among the numerous un-named folders. It’s a South African Afro Jazz song that’s currently top of Archer’s favourite ngomas list. I’m not a lovey dovey lovesick fool like I once was, but this song takes me places. You’ve just got to listen to it! Lovely voices and the instrumental is tight. (If you can catch the dude’s voice in the background of the chorus, you’ll see what I’m talking about)  

I don’t know the name of the track or of the artist, so I’ll just call it “What you are to me” I wonder where I can get more of this kind of music. Does anyone know? Anyway, I insist, download the song and listen to it on full bass. It’s beautiful. 

 

Click HERE to download What you are to me. 

 

If you like the track, you can see me sideways and I can hook you up with a few others that I have. I can upload them onto my 4shared.com account for your downloading pleasure. 

To those who are into Jazz, where’s the starting point for someone who would like to know more about the genre? I’m trying to expand my musical knowledge.  

(Hii maneno ya hip hop ya upuzi tupu, sijui msee moja anakaa
kama wanugu anataka kunyorea wengine…..usiresi!)
 

I’ve noticed that Jazz is really catching on in
Nairobi especially among the younger peeps (mid 20s upwards) and I hope that it’s only a matter of time before we have more of our very own local Jazz artistes. We have a few good ones already, but we need more. Are there any Jazz nights in
Nairobi?
 

 

A.O.B. 

Ministry of Health Warning: Ku-hanye na Methu na Bantuts ni harmful to your health!!! We found ourselves at K1 on Wednesday night watching
Milan hammering Loserfool (You Never Wa*k Alone) shortly after we were grooving to some mad ass kao tunes…! Wacha tu ni-censor ma details.
 

My only  beef with that night is that for once I was the SHORTEST person in the crowd, vile Methu up theeeeeea is like 6″ 3′, Bants and some other damsel I was with are both like 6″1′ and I was down there at 6″ 0′. And the three idiots kept rubbing it in that I was short… You guys are so mean. SHINDWE!! 

 

 

So, apart from soccer, there was also Formula 1 action over the weekend at the Malaysian Grand Prix at Sepang.

Ferrari’s Felipe Massa blew a starting pole position to allow both McLaren Mercedes of reigning world champion Fernando Alonso and rookie driver Lewis Hamilton to pass, and thus he and team-mate Kimi Raikkonen spent the rest of the race trying to catch up.

Hamilton Leads Raikkonen
Hamilton keeps Kimi Raikkonen at bay

McLaren Mercedes scored a one two victory, with defending World Champion Fernando Alonso taking the victory thus giving McLaren Mercedes their first victory since October 2005, and followed by 22 year old Lewis Hamilton, who also produced the fastest lap of the race.

This kid is really impressing me! I didn’t want to comment much after his third place finish at Melbourne a few days ago coz I figured that might have been his lucky day. But after keeping “The Iceman” Kimi Raikkonen firmly behind him and coming in second at Sepang, I’m starting to see real potential in the chap. Lewis is incredibly gifted and clearly McLaren Mercedes have found themselves a future world champion here. McLaren Mercedes team boss Ron Dennis should make this guy sign a lifetime contract!!

Read more about Lewis Hamilton here

Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton

But trust the British press to create so much un-necessary hype that creates un-necessary pressure on poor Hamilton. Can’t you guys just let him drive? Now they expect him to win the British Grand Prix later in the season. He’s being touted as the next British world champion since Bunson Jetton (how does this man get laid with a name like that?) clearly isn’t going anywhere in a hurry. The British press is notorious for creating tons of hype around a new found talent, therefore setting him/her up for a fall, and best believe the same British press will be there to splash the nasty details on the front pages once the star slips. Remember Wayne Rooney and the 2006 World Cup?

And what’s with the emphasis on Hamilton’s race? It’s been said that perhaps he’s Formula 1’s version of Tiger Woods! Who cares if he’s black or half this half that? It’s not his skin colour that’s doing the driving! He’s an incredibly talented young man with immense potential to be World Champion one day. Let’s leave his race out of this! It’s irrelevant! Give him time to grow, make mistakes, learn from them and I’m sure that he’ll deliver eventually.

Anyway, I like how the new season is shaping up. Keep it up, Fernando and Lewis!! I’m already seeing a constructor’s title this season.

Fernando & Lewis celebrate

Fernando and Lewis celebrate their one – two

I know there aren’t many Formula 1 fans out there, but at least I’m assured that Bankelele and Adrian are somewhere reading this.

What’s on my playlist?

Automatic – Johnny Gill