April 2009

It appears that I have been awarded the prestigious Honest Scrap award by the one and only Lady Farmgal.


The little trophy says “This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.” I would like to thank FG for this honour because really, I don’t see anyone more fitting to receive it than myself. I would also like to thank the Almighty for giving me fingers to type, my parents for…….


  • You must brag about the award (I just did that up there, no?)
  • You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
  • You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
  • Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
  • List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

So here are ten truths about me (as if y’all need more)

1. I once narrowly avoided arrest at Johannesburg International Airport (now O.R. Tambo International) for being in possession of an AK-47 bullet. I shit you not. It was a replica of a bullet, made into a pendant. I managed to get through one airport earlier that morning with the receipt from the shop where I bought it and they let me through bila maswali mengi. So I begged and pleaded and after calling the store to confirm that I did purchase the bullet there, they confiscated it and let me go.

2. I have a very low opinion of modern day feminists. They disgust me. But that doesn’t necessarily make me a chauvinist.

3. I have a habit of nicknaming things. I call my laptop Cathy (coz it’s a Compaq, and it has serious PMS-like mood swings) Pinky coz it’s…well…pink. My two cars were Helen and Helen Bandia. I also have a knack for nicknaming my friends. My phone book contains names such as JVC (Jaluo Very Charming), Frishy-Frish, Bullshit, I Shit You Not, Baengele, M.O.M.C (Mother of my children), Bushman, Powertab, Mascot, Kilunda, Gadaffi, Semantics, Mr Bad, Papa Shirandula, Mr Dad, Ms Ethiopia, KAR 041U, Ms No Panties, Muskaki, Eyewitness, Boxman, Rockstar, Runda’s Finest, Superwoman, Ka Smiley, Frishy-Frish etc.

4. If my little flat was to catch fire and I could only save two things, I’d grab Pinky and Cathy.

5. As mentioned in this post, I decided to mend relations with people who were close to me at some point and shit came between us. So far, so good. But it involves a lot of ass kissing and however much I think I’m beyond that, sometimes it needs to be done. There are some asses I’ve saved for last coz I’m 100% sure the ass owners will enjoy every second of it, and might specify that it be done with red lipstick!

6. I still think Grace M. is pure eye candy. Bite me!

7. When I listen to music (well…some) I picture the instrumentals in form of a painting. I do that for several songs, I simply close my eyes and paint something. It’s beautiful, really. Does anyone know any application that removes lyrics from music thus leaving only the instrumentals? Me thinks that’s the best way to listen to sh*t hop…sans lyrics!!

8. I think I’m a fairly good judge of character and I generally make friends quite easily. However, with my goldfish memory (I sometimes forget what I’m saying mid-sentence!) I tend to forget people quite fast as well. If I meet someone and we don’t click from the onset, then there must be something wrong with them. Most times I’m usually right.

9. ***this entry has been censored by the blog owner***

10. For some reason, people come to me with their relationship issues like I’m some sort of relationship counselor. I take it in my stride though, I do as much as I can to sort them out. The problem with that is that I can’t use those skills to sort out my own relationship issues!

I hereby bestow the Honest Scrap award upon the following deserving bloggers.

a)    Ciiku: your brutal honesty should make this quite interesting!

b)    Kelitu: Shimba Hills Finest, get on it chap chap!

c)    Kahenya: very hilarious blog you’ve got there. We’d like to know a little more about you.

d)    Supaflyshi: you never disappoint as far as TMI goes

e)    Bomseh: rudi into circulation boss!

f)    Zax: Same applies to you, cuz!

g)    KD*: Coz I’ve never tagged you before.

h)   Sultry Nutter: there’s never a dull moment in your life.

Picture of the day!

Arsene Wenger is the master of excuses. Could this be what he has in mind for the post-match press conference in case Arsenal fail to win tonight?

Slanting pitch

Slanting pitch

“Ze pitch was sloping heavily…and we vere attacking on ze upper end!”

What’s on my Playlist?

Cross my mind – Jill Scott


Big in Moscow…


Big in New York…


Not so big in North Korea. Hmm…


Feel free to add your captions to Pics 1 and 3.

What’s on my Playlist?

100 yard dash – Raphael Saadiq

I turned a year older three weeks ago. (Contrary to speculation, I’m still in my 20s, and I will be for a few more years). Even before then, I realized that age is not just about what numbers appear in one’s official documents, it’s also about one’s state of mind. I’ve slowly been losing interest in several of the things that I used to do some years ago, and I’ve also began to think differently about other things.

1. Going out (The Hanye)

I look back at the days just after I cleared high school and the years after that. Back then I used to party all weekend. Not a single weekend would find me indoors unless I was unwell. Friday nights at the local was standard procedure. So was Saturday afternoons. Normally it’d start out with “I’m going to watch football”. I pity my poor mother, coz once she heard that, she knew that I’d be gone till the next day, leaving her to stay up all night worrying. I’d link up with the boys at the pub and catch the Premier League matches showing that afternoon, followed by frantic bar hopping and copious consumption of alcohol all night, along with all the mischief that comes with the territory. I’d get home way after sunrise the next day and sleep all day.

Nowadays, I find it close to impossible to stay awake past 1am! And that’s after hitting the hanye at 11pm! I rarely have more than 4 drinks because now I tend to get high much faster than before. I don’t like me when I’m drunk coz I tend to be very loud (don’t we all?) Hangovers take forever to pona! To hell with that, I’ve retired! Westlands nimewaachia watoto. I’ve only been out twice this year, once was here and the second was on my birthday weekend when my pals forced me to go out and celebrate.

So what’s my ideal Saturday night? Hot coffee, cookies, easy listening music and a good movie. Or I read the Saturday magazine. In fact, the only newspaper I buy is the Saturday Nation. I quickly check out the sports page and throw it away when I’m done. Who cares about politics? Then I save the Saturday magazine for later. I have a specific order in which I read the articles. First I start with Lizzy’s World (what, una shida?) then Man Talk, then Flakes, the perennial male bashing column Female Speak, then I finish up with Busted. The rest of the paper is not targeted towards me. This past weekend, none of my favourite columns was there! There was no Man Talk, Lizzy’s World or Busted! I was thoroughly disappointed. I think I ripped the magazine to shreds.

2. Smoking

My older brother influenced me to experiment with cigarettes while I was in high school. It was cool at the time coz all the young chaps were doing it. But mine was more of a show off thing, I guess I could call myself a casual smoker. I only started smoking proper in 2004 after getting rejected by the athletics coach in my former university. See, I’ve always been an athlete. I’ve got several medals and certificates from primary and high school, and it wouldn’t be a far fetched dream to think I could one day be one of the fastest sprinters in the world. After that bitch crushed my ambitions and threw me out of her office, the first thing I bought at the tuck shop adjacent to the sports stadium was a pack of cigarettes. And that’s how it’s been ever since. Before long I was hooked, and a ciggy became an escape for everything. Stressed? Have a ciggy. Drinking? Have a ciggy. Just had a good shag? Have a ciggy. Dropping nukes over Baghdad? By all means, have a ciggy!

I don’t want to go into the rest of my life as a smoker. I don’t handle stress very well so smoking has been my escape. So I’ve got to find other ways to handle stress. I set April 1st as the date when I’d quit for good, and I’d been working on cutting down during March. As soon as April got here, I was able to stay ciggy free for 48 hours before realizing that cold turkey is a bitch! The withdrawal symptoms are SICK! I find myself fidgeting, subconsciously puffing away on a pencil. So I decided to have only one cigarette a day. The only problem is finding the suitable time to have the cigarette. I think I need to invest in nicotine patches.

3. Temper, temper

It’s not a secret that I have a very short fuse. I’ve blogged about it before (I think) and I’ve had to see a shrink in the past for anger management. That actually helps, coz nowadays it takes quite a lot to piss me off. I’ve some to accept that not everyone thinks on the same wavelength as I do, so they may not know that what they’re doing is really testing my patience.

Shit does go wrong sometimes. Take for example Saturday (two days ago) about 2am. There I was going over my notes for an exam that morning. A drunk pal of mine was passing outside my flat and decided to disturb me, seeing as my lights were on. He called and called, but I ignored him. The idiot decided to throw stones at my window. At that point I got pissed off and went to the balcony to tell him to foxtrot oscar (yaani to fcuk off) The guy kept throwing stones even after I told him to get his drunk ass to bed, so I snapped, went into the kitchen, grabbed an empty 500ml Coke bottle and hurled it furiously at him. Ana bahati tu kwa vile ilimchapa kisogo. If it had hit the target, I’m sure I’d have broken his nose! Funny thing is that the next evening, he had no recollection of how he got the huge bump in his head!!

4.Letting go of grudges

I’ve been told that I’m a pretty vengeful person. Apparently it would not be in anyone’s best interests to cross me coz I keep grudges, and once I do, I won’t rest until the day I exert my revenge in a fitting manner, or karma steps in to do her part. But something happened three week ago that made me realize that I need to change my ways.

A former high school classmate and his father were brutally murdered by the Mungiki on March 31st . They were carjacked, shot dead, mutilated and their bodies dumped in a ditch. This horrific incident shocked me like very few incidents do.

During the four years I was in school with this chap, we were never friends, we’d clash quite often until our mutual resentment was openly evident. We preferred to keep our own space. That was many years ago. Since then, neither of us ever made the effort to reach out to the other to make peace. In fact, I simply forgot that he existed, until I ran into him in a small café in October or November last year. Greetings were exchanged, and somehow we started talking. It was tense, I could feel that he was equally as confused about why I would be talking to him, knowing how little regard I had for him.

Truth be told, we clashed over very childish issues which I can’t even remember now. We ran into each other severally after that and made small talk, we exchanged numbers, though neither of us ever called or texted the other. On the fateful day that he met his death, we met briefly and chatted. We talked about the riots in K.U and his frustration that it would postpone his graduation. I sympathized with him because I’m in the same situation as he is. We should have been done with campus years ago, but due to several factors, we’re still in school while our compatriots are well established career wise.

We made plans to hook up over the weekend and have a few drinks, and we also agreed that it was time we solved our differences and moved on with our lives. Sadly, that was not to be.

It made me think about the people that I harbour useless grudges against. I wouldn’t like for something like this to happen to me or to any of them, only for the survivor to live with the guilt that there’s a lot that could have changed if only they had taken the initiative to extend that olive branch. I know it’s been said that conflict resolution is easier among men than it is among, women but the truth is that men have huge egos. It’s not easy to humble oneself and reach out to the other person and make peace. But that’s what I need to do right now.

Making peace with others also includes seeking forgiveness from those who I may have wronged in the past.

I could go on and on but I think I’ll stop here coz If I write any more, I’m sure you’ll fall asleep.


If we have Fokojembe of the week, it’s only fair that we should have the opposite, right?


Name: Guus Hiddink

Who is he?: Caretaker Manager, Chelsea FC.

Reason: Kicking Liverpool out of the Champions League , and Arsenal out of the F.A Cup in a space of four days, (and getting Didier Drogba to actually play football) this man has completely turned around Chelsea’s season. Under that other ka-fellow (whatever his name was) Chelsea was on the brink of a total collapse, but now we stand on the verge of winning the F.A Cup, semi-finals of Champions League and if miracles do still happen, the Premiership. (though that’s a long shot) Hiddink has restored the confidence in the players, got them firing on all cylinders which has resulted in only one loss in 12 matches.

If Guus Hiddink can deliver just one trophy this season, I’ll be overjoyed.

It’s a pity that he’ll be gone after the F.A Cup final on May 30th.

What’s on my Playlist?

Kidum – Kichuna

I’ve been airing my 5 bob opinions on this blog for three years now. During those three years, I’ve written a few controversial posts which some readers disagreed with, and they challenged my views on those issues. The one thing that I admired about the Kenyan blog scene that encouraged me to start a blog was the maturity with which people argued. Everyone knows that there have been incidents where bloggers have clashed on principle, but even at the ugliest, I can hardly recall ever seeing people insulting each other in unsavory terms. That was something that was left to other online Kenyan forums where moderation was an unheard of concept.

During these three years, I have never moderated a single comment on any post simply because the reader took offence with something that I wrote. In fact, the only time I ever moderated a comment was two months ago, and I was courteous enough to email the reader to inform him as to why I moderated his comment. Said reader understood my reasons and now he still comments on my blog.

I do not restrict my readers from airing their opposing views to anything that I’ve written. I love healthy debate. There are two sides to every debate and one loses out sometimes. I’ve been called out a couple of times and I was man enough to admit that I was wrong, and I pulled down the offending material and offered a public apology to those who felt offended by my posts.

My last post on the finale of The Presenter on KTN elicited quite a bit of interest. This is evident through the number of hits it has received, which is off the charts. It also elicited several negative comments, a couple of which I approved and insulted the commenters (they caught me in a foul mood on that day). There are a few other comments which I chose not to approve, and they’re still in moderation. They contained very foul insults, threats and just a hint of logic which I would have taken seriously had the readers not been as uncouth as they were.

If only the individuals concerned would do a simple google search using the key words “KTN The Presenter” they would come across a number of other blogs, articles and online forums which more or less echo my views about how the finale was messed up in so many ways.

People need to realize that no one forces them to read the blogs that they do. If you don’t like what you find here, or if you feel that this blog is a heap of rubbish, then common sense dictates that you stop wasting your precious time and find something more productive to do with it! If you enjoy wasting your time here and you don’t agree with something that I wrote, feel free to email me (my email address is available on the Contacts page at the top right hand corner of this blog) and let me know what your beef is. If you air your views in a civil manner, stating what exactly you took offence with, and you convince me adequately that I was wrong, then I see no reason not to withdraw the offending remarks and offer an apology. That’s the way civilized people behave.

To those two or three individuals who think they can tisha me with threats of “I know who you are, I’ll find you and f**k you up…” I’d like you to know that you don’t move me one bit. All I can do is laugh at your foolishness. I’ll say a little prayer for you tonight so that you may be blessed with the extra brain cells that you were not adequately equipped with at birth.

What’s on my Playlist?

Silly Ho – TLC