What is it with Kenyan guys? I think we are really stuck up and up-tight (not in the literal sense) I think we are really homophobic. Yes, we are. The slightest hint of doing or suggesting anything to a Kenyan jamaa which may be perceived as making a pass at him is almost guaranteed to earn you a good right hook right in your eye, spectacles notwithstanding.

 

Why is it that there are some things that we can’t say to a fellow jamaa coz we’d be perceived to be gay? The average Kenyan guy would rarely compliment another guy, and if he had to, it’s have to be very, very general. Supposing you came across a dude, say a pal, wearing a very nice polo neck sweater, how would you compliment him?

 

My guy, si that sweater is timam? It really brings out your physique vizuri

 

The response would either be “er…thanks. Moving swiftly along…” accompanied by slow steps in any direction away from you. Or you’d receive that right hook.

 

Therefore, we guys take the easy way out and simply say

 

Nice sweater, Anto

 

Anto: Thanks.

 

 

I got a little flat just near my uni, thus saving me about 4 to 5 hours on the road and over 300 bob in cab and matatu fare daily. But that’s beside the point. So, most times when the weather allows, I simply jump into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and get going. After all, these legs from the wonderful western Kenya gene pool should be shared with all and sundry. One day, the weather wasn’t so convenient, so I wore jeans, Tims and a sweat-shirt. After class, I pitied by the local, and the first thing I heard from a male pal was:

 

Arch, it’s such a pleasure to see you fully clothed for once!

 

Almost everyone in the pub turned in our direction, those ones of “Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiish!!!! Alaaaaaaa?”

 

Kwani where did you see Archer not fully clothed?

 

So we had to go into a long explanation about the whole incident lest they concluded that we play for Arsenal otherwise.

 

 

Why is it that there are topics that you can’t bring up with other guys?

 

The other day at the supermarket, I was feeling kidogo adventurous, and at the toilet soap aisle, I picked about 6 or 7 bars of Fa toilet soap, all in different colours and er…flavours. Or fragrances. Whatever.

 

A few days later after using up the first two bars, I showered using the new Fa yogurt flavour (it’s cream, yellow or some colour lime that. Consult 3TOC) and I have to say that that was one of the best shower experiences I’ve had in a very long time. That ish smells so so good! Not nearly as good as the Ra.do.x aromatherapeutic shower gel, but it was good enough for a 29 bob soap. I emerged from the shower almost 30 minutes later, having sung the whole way through. Bliss.

 

Then I went upstairs to chill with the boys. So Archer and his intelligence decided to share the experience, only to be met by curiously raised eyebrows, comme ça

http://pages.matmice.com/home/the_rock_pictures/

 

 

Pal 1: Arch, that’s not stuff you should tell us, save that for your mamaa!!

 

Pal 2: Are you sure you weren’t lathering yourself up in other ways?

 

I did the same thing at the local the next day just to gauge the reaction of a few more of my male pals. Needless to say, they were identical.

 

 

There are so many other topics that you’d hardly ever find two guys discussing, all for the sake of maintaining a macho/tough guy image. Relationships for example. Would you tell your boy at the pub

 

Mazee I’m really in love with Jane, aki she makes me feel some joy in ways I’ve never felt before

 

No. Normally it’d be

 

I’m really feeling Jane, she’s a timam mamaa

 

End of story.

 

I’ve been hit on a number of times by gay men (both here in Nairobi and in South Africa, but that’s a story for another day) and while it’s very strange and immensely irritating the first couple of times, one actually gets used to it and can afford a smile the next time and say

 

Look here man, I’m straight. Vagina rules!!!

 

In such a case where your masculinity has been threatened for real, then I bet you’re allowed to react in whichever way necessary. But if you’re confident about your sexuality, then what’s there to worry about? Why would a Kenyan man be so quick to accuse you of being “guilty by association” just coz you have a couple of gay friends?

 

Come on guys, LOOSEN UP!!! Dare to be different today! Compliment another guy! In fact, let’s start right here! Jamaas, comment section is open. Loose the stuck-up-ness and compliment someone. In fact, let’s start with Xs, seeing that one Frank in Accra, Ghana has already opened the path.

  

Xs, hiyo shave ulipata juzi…..that goatee!!! I wouldn’t let you near any of my sisters if I had any!”

 

Photo of the Day

 

What’s on my Playlist?

Bob Sinclar feat. Fireball – What I want