About a week and a half ago, my class was merged with another one due to a high number of dropouts in both. On the first day of the merger, I got to class kedo 10 minutes late, only to find some chile in my seat. Not a big deal, but I love that seat. It’s strategically positioned somewhere at the centre of the class. It’s very convenient for many reasons. Firstly, lecturers mostly ask questions to those in the front row (the nerds) and to those in the back row (the dunders). Those in the middle (the rest of us) are usually lucky not to be noticed. Second, in the event of a class exercise which begins at the front row, I have adequate time to estimate which question I’m due to answer so I can prepare for it. But the most important reason is so as to get a perfect view of the lecturer’s posterior which I must say, is quite a work of art.
I’m rarely ever punctual, that’s a fact. I have a problem keeping time, I can barely remember any event that I’m ever on time for. I guess the only event I’ll be punctual for is my funeral, but by then my official title will be “The Late”. On a good day I get to class about 5 minutes late. On a normal day, that goes up to about 25 minutes.
Anyway, there was some miscellaneous chile (hereinafter referred to MC) in my seat, meaning I had to sit at the back. During the course of the lecture, I had to answer kibao questions which I didn’t have time to prepare for and it’s not like I have a very firm grasp of what’s going on anyway.
I jikakamuad so as to be in class in good time (read 5 minutes late) and the same chile was ensconced in my seat. Again. Good thing the lecturer hadn’t arrived yet. So I walked up to her and kindly asked her to find another seat coz that one was mine. The chic refused to chuck, giving me that nonsense of “I don’t see your name on the seat” and she asked why I couldn’t find another seat. I asked her why SHE couldn’t find another seat coz I’d sat there for the last couple of months. There was already an established way of doing things before she came along. It’s only logical that she fits herself into the current arrangement, no? My deskmates told her the same, so reluctantly, she moved elsewhere.
Thinking I’d got that matter sorted, I got to class at +25 minutes MST (Mishale Standard Time) to make matters worse I’d had a rough morning in traffic, and that silly mama was in my seat again! Kwani she has a brain tumour ama what’s her bloody problem? This time I was less than polite.
“WEWE!! TOKA HAPO!”
Unfortunately that came out a bit louder than I’d anticipated, and the commotion caught the lecturer’s attention.
TA: “Hmm….I sense some tension. Archer why are you harassing the lady?”
Me: “Er…. Coz she’s always in my seat!”
TA: “Which you’re rarely ever in anyway. Go sit at the back! But first, come here and work out number 12 on the board!”
Sh*t. I hadn’t even finished the bloody assignment.
Day 4 (+0 minutes MST – I TRIED!!!!)
This time I got to class right at the stroke of the hour. Looked for my seat and for once it was empty! I rushed there quickly and planted my bum there before MC emerged from nowhere. Eventually she arrived and decided to sit next to me, thus taking up someone else’s space. So the lecturer gave us some classwork to do, and she left.
Kwanza this skiver, she goes to the cafeteria to have coffee and croissants after giving us jobo. Silly woman.
I had my MP3 player plugged in as I was doing the exercises, minding my own business. Ok for real, I was actually logged into chat on the penguin, soliciting for answers to the exercise from a blogger pal, (who by the way is reading this. My dear, sio ati now you start nyimaing me leakage!!)
Then MC decided to start conversation.
MC: “Hi, I’m MC”
Me: Good to know
MC: What’s your name?
MC: Ooooh! So that’s your name at the back of your t-shirt, eh?
MC: I also like football!
Me: *disinterested* rrrrrreeeally!
MC: Yeah!! Kwanza I penda Fabregas, I think he’s so cute! No wonder Liverpool play so well, they’re going to win the cup!
Me: *thinking* Not only are you daft, you’ve got bad breath as well.
And with that, I plugged my earphones back and concentrated on securing leakage for my assignment.
Day 5: (+ 15 minutes MST)
When I sauntered into class, not only was my seat empty, (surprisingly) but MC was in the next seat, smiling at me and patting my seat gently in a “come hither and sit next to me” motion. Reluctantly I took my place. Now why does this mama have a big smile on her face? Kwani now she thinks she’s Lilian Muli? Predictably, the lecturer came in, gave us some jobo and went off to the cafeteria to have breakfast. And again MC starts conversation. She unleashed a thao stories about heaven knows what, and needless to say, I was bored stiff. In my attempt to concentrate on the work at hand is when I noticed them.
Those have got to be some of the ugliest feet I had ever seen in my life! They were so bad (almost THIS bad!) that I had to share the experience with the friend I was chatting with online.
Call me shallow, vain, superficial, but everyone has his/her put offs about the opposite sex. For me, that’s ugly fingers and toes. I don’t care how hot a mama may be, but I make no exceptions when it comes to that. If her tu vidolez look more like she was filing her nails on the pavement, and her toes are wrapped around the sides of her sandals, sahau! That’s a definite no no. I’d take an average mama with pretty fingers and toes any day. My foot is the benchmark, if your foot doesn’t match up, sorry luv, keep walking along.
In the course of the monologue conversation, I couldn’t even look her in the face coz all I saw was her feet in place of her face.
Day 6: (+ 10 minutes MST)
Same scenario. Empty seat, boring Ms Halitosis with the ugly toes on next seat, patting it while unleashing a kilowatt smile. Kwani now she thinks I’m her pet ama what’s the deal-io? Reluctantly I sat. This time the lecturer was late to class. Once again this mama started conversation. I did my best to avoid eye contact (ok lemme stop hating on her, she’s actually kidogo pretty. If she could get rid of that weave, I’m sure someone would give her a second look)
MC: “So, do you have a girlfriend?
MC: “You either have one or you don’t”
Me: “Sorry, I’m spoken for”
MC: “Ok, so where is she?”
MC: “I see you don’t like talking about her. It’s ok, most men have commitment issues.”
MC: “I hear some of you guys get together for coffee after class. Can I join you today?”
Me: “Yeah, sure. But I won’t be there coz I’ve got errands to run. You enjoy yourself though”
MC: “It’s Friday, what are you doing after 5?”
Me: “Abusing alcohol”
MC: “Where? Si we can link up and have a drink?”
Me: “Er, I’m going for a family thing”
Get the hint woman!!!!
Day 7: (+ 10 minutes MST)
Coming into class has become a depressing thought these days, considering the fact that I have to fight with fellow Nairobians in traffic before I get to tao so I’m usually not in the best of moods. Then this woman here has started displaying some potential psycho tendencies. The way she’s salivating over there, she looks like she just might devour me whole, and spit out the bones. I think it’s much safer for me to sit my ass at the back. Na wewe ubaki hapo hapo.
Photo of the day
(Courtesy of Movie Buff)
What’s on my Playlist?
Nameless – Why Lie