You know you’re more than just a regular at the local when:

a) you know the owner, barman, manager, waitresses, pool table attendants and watchies by name

b) and they all call you “Mkubwa, Chief, Munene” etc

c) the barman has your favourite cold beer on the counter while you’re still approaching from 5 metres away

d) you have your own specific beer glass.

e) you know all the regular patrons by name and occupation, by cars and perhaps even by number plates

f) you have your own parking space reserved for you, as do the other regulars

g) the manager (alias Damaging Director) calls you every Friday afternoon to inform you that stocks of fresh muturas have arrived, and asks if they should put a fat one on the jiko for you, so that you find it ready when you arrive.

h) You can run a tab whenever and there’s no biggie

i) You can spot a stranger from a mile away


But you know you need to find a new local when:

a) the waitresses get too cosy with you, flirting openly even in the presence of a lady pal you might be trying to (s)lay*

b) you’ve either been involved in, or stopped, one too many fights

c) you need to replace your shock absorbers coz of giving everyone a ride home afterwards

d) you’ve screwed/had a thing with all the females at the local*

e) the staff owe you more money than your grossly inflated tab

f) you eat most of your meals at the local*

g) you know the order of all the songs on the playlist by heart, including the lyrics to Dolly Parton’s immensely irritating “Jolene”

I think I need to find a new local.

(*Some of the above scenarios do not necessarily refer to yours truly)

Photo of the day

Is this the origin of the Haka?

The haka

Unakamata kodoo wako namna hiii……

I know they love sheep down in New Zealand but this is too much. Feel free to throw in your own Captions.


What’s on my playlist?

Back that ass up – Juvenile (Pun fully intended)