We’re all allowed one blonde moment per day, right? Thankyou.

Yesterday I experienced a moment of what KM would call foolishness reloaded. See, it was the first time that I bought a scratch-card with the new Safaricom “Kwachua Milioni” promotion. Upon seeing the fancy colour work, I asked the shopkeeper wsup with the new promotion. She told me to scratch the top area, and whatever amount was reflected there meant that I’d won that amount, and I should therefore contact Safaricom to hand over the money.

Ok, I’ve never really been successful with raffles or draws. Although, way back in 1993 I won a whole carton of assorted biscuits in the Sarit Centre “Lick-Stick and Win” competition. (I ate all those biscuits alone over a period of 1.5 months) In the recent past I haven’t been that lucky though. Even with the recent Tusker an chapaa promotion, I think I’m the only person who didn’t even win a free beer!! EABL have issues with me lakini they don’t want to tell me.

So you can imagine my astonishment when I scratched the card and saw this:

My fake 10 million bob!!

(Pole for the poor picture quality, my penguin’s camera is only 0.3 megapixels, but I’m sure you can clearly see the figures)

TEN MILLION SHILLINGS!!!! I won 10 million bob!!! Yaani Ksh 10,000,000.00/=

Wooooooohoooooooo!!!! Kwanza I was at Fifi’s, the pub right outside USIU. It’s just that USIU is on holiday, otherwise I’d have thrown a rao (on credit of course) for everyone in there to celebrate my good fortune!

In my mind I’d already seen myself on the front page of the local dailies receiving those huuuge plastic cheques with my name and 10,000,000 next to it. I’d already seen myself giving a press conference…

“ninkepenta kutumakho salaams kwa papa na mama yanku wakiwa pale nyumpani, kha mpwa khangu Sunkuli akiwa pale nyumpani pia, na ma peste zangu wote wakiwa popote walipo. Uchumpe ni kwampa Safaricom Kwachua Milioni Promotion ni ya faita kupwa vhane!! Kwa machirani yanku Elphas na Philomena sasa munawesa kucha kuchukua teni yako kwa file sasa naweza kusemako kama yule muchamaa Tef Chappelle – I’M RICH PIATCH!!

I’d calculated how I’m going to expand Mishale kiosk into Mishale General Hardware Ltd. I’d already envisioned how I’m going to buy a small plot, build a ka house, buy a 106” Panasonic plasma screen TV and install DSTV, throw in a few cows and goats, plant some maize and sukumawiki and toss in a few chicken to lay me some eggs.

I’d seen how I’ll pay a handsome dowry to the father of the mrembo who owns these legs, twende Hawaai tunywe ma pinya konyandas and other fancy cocktails with umbrellas, whose names I’m yet to learn to pronounce.

I’d pictured how I’d buy a metallic silver Subaru Legacy B4 STi Turbo with black leather seats and gold 18” STi rims, aki I had it all planned to the last shilling!! But alas! I was brought crashing down to earth.

“Sasa fanya hivi, si umesikirashi hapo? Haya, sikirashi ire igine, u-load credit kwa simu alafu dio watakuingiza kwa draw dio ushinde hiyo 10 million”

Ati nini? Draw tena? From where? Si this thingy says I’ve won 10 million! Where does it say draw?

I’ve got half a heart to call up Michael Joseph and sue him for causing un-necessary emotional distress. Imagine going through all that only to come to the stark reality that I only had 278 bob in my pocket? Drat!!

Ok, seriously, Safaricom need to indicate on the scratchcards that one doesn’t win the amount indicated, but is entered into a draw to win that amount. Creating such false hopes in unsuspecting wananchi can lead to heart attacks and strokes.

 

 

 

Picture of the day

 

Bank of Mourinho

Deadly, eh?

What’s on my playlist?

Aumewitue – Musiq (Soulchild?)