First things first, I’m surprised that I can still type out a post with a fractured left wrist. It’s nothing serious though, just a hairline fracture, should be ok in about a week or so.  

I was in hospital on Sunday afternoon to have the x-rays done and the doctor, a very comely young lady by the way, asked what happened. (Um¼obviously I fell!) I couldn’t tell her that that was an injury sustained during a heated session of sexual acrobatics with a jaluo woman (our sisters from the lakeside tend to be very….eh…. enthusiastic) so I made up a story and told her that I slipped on a patch of cooking oil that had spilled on the kitchen floor. Her reply: “See? This is what happens when men convince themselves that they can cook! Why don’t you just leave that to the professionals?”  

Hmm¼I suspect that that’s an indirect challenge to me to demonstrate my culinary skills for her, ama what do you guys think? They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Does the same apply to women in any way? (don’t tell me about flowers and chocolate and poetry and diamonds etc) What happens when a man cooks a fantastic meal for a woman? Then after that, probably we could get round to fracturing the other wrist!! 


There are some things that happen in life that make you wonder what the fcuk one is meant to think or do.  

(Disclaimer: the following situation does not necessarily relate to me, so quit looking at me like that!) 

Let’s assume that you’re involved in a CSA (Convenient Strokes Arrangement) with this chic who wants more than what you’re prepared to offer her (in terms of a relationship) So one fine morning after a night of good strokes, chic has left the digz and you’re now cleaning up. Ok we all know that condoms don’t flush down the toilet so the best way to dispose of them is to wrap them in toilet paper and throw that in the trash. So while taking out the trash, you find the TP you’d wrapped the juala in lying on the floor right next to the bin, and upon closer inspection you find that the juala has been turned inside out¼and it’s empty! Yaani it’s had the fuck shaken out of it! And you know for sure that you didn’t shoot blanks the previous night (or that morning for that matter!) WTF is a dude supposed to think? What could the heffa possibly have done with the juala¼and a few millions of your finest soldiers? There are a few Mathare escapees on the loose….. 


With all these Kenyan companies coming up with very expensive promotions to market their products using sheng’ so as to appeal to the masses, most with very “enthusiastic” terminology, let’s assume that Trust Condoms came up with some new brands (studded, ribbed, bareback, extra lubricated, fruit flavoured etc) just what would they name their “Win a million shillings” promotion? I hope not:  

Mnyanduano mwenye fanaka!! Shinda shilingi milioni moja na Trust Condoms! 

PS: does the bolding look familiar? Seen this somewhere?