It’s interesting that I typed out this post two nights ago, only for some of the same issues to be aired on TV last night and discussed in today’s papers. We all know that very many of our youth are having sex, some as young as 12!! (saw that on KTN last night) However much we’d want to hide our heads in the sand and not think about it, young people ARE having sex. A lot of it for that matter. So next time you look at your teenage bro or sis, just know he/she may be getting laid more often than you are!
Let’s look at unwanted pregnancies and abortion (flushing as it’s also referred to) for a minute, with particular reference to the youth, and some of the issues that it brings up. I’m writing this from the ignorant perspective of a man who has never been pregnant, doesn’t intend to ever be, and doesn’t know what goes on in the mind of a pregnant woman as she decides whether to abort the kid or to keep it. So please co-operate with me here even though I know I’ve not brought forth the argument as clearly as the idea appeared in my mind.
Early last February, on the last weekend before I went back to South Africa, I was out at Crooked Qs with the Mrs, when a young chic who’s a family friend (she’s about 16 or 17) came in with a bunch of very thuggish looking dudes. First I was wondering how the hell my aunt let her leave the digz in that skimpy belt masquerading as a miniskirt. It basically left nothing to the imagination! And let’s be honest here, huyu manzi amebarikiwa vilivyo. But she’s 17!!! Chic walks up to me and asks me to buy her a drink. So I switched to “overprotective big brother mode” and I unleashed a barrage of questions, asking if her mother knew she was out in a nightclub dressed like a hooker and who those guys were. And of course I refused to buy her a drink! Well, she quickly dismissed me with “Who the hell do you think you to question me? Go f*** yourself! I can get pints from someone else!”
Punde si punde the young lady had an assortment of tequilas, sambuca and a couple of Tusker Malts in front of her. About an hour later I spotted her dancing atop a table with guys gawking at her goodies from under her skirt and slapping her thighs. I was tempted to grab her, throw her into my car and drive her home but I couldn’t. At the end of the night as I was leaving, I spotted her, drunk as a dodo, in a street corner making out with one of the dudes that she’d come in with, with his hand firmly grasping her ample rear end.
Many months later, I got word that the chic had just given birth to twins! AT SEVENTEEN!!! Not only that, the baby daddy had denied paternity and bounced. Word has it that he has one or two other baby mamas around Nairobi.
In the last few weeks, a few chic friends of mine have confessed to having had an abortion done last year. I’m talking about four different chics. And they’re not ati toiz, they’re in their mid twenties.
In South Africa alone where abortion is legal and is even covered by one’s medical insurance, I know of several chics, many of them friends of mine, who have “flushed” since 2004. These days I have to count those among my female friends who have not had an abortion. And it’s becoming more difficult by the day. And it’s no big deal to them. I’d think that it should be, ama? I don’t know what goes on inside the mind of a woman who’s considering having an abortion or has already had it done, so someone please tell me. But I’d think one should be traumatized, having feelings of guilt…right?
One day in June, a pal of mine was coming to stay at my apartment since I wasn’t going to be in town during the vacation period. He came with his mama, but she left shortly. Dude was looking quite stressed so I asked him wsup. Dude told me he had to part with his entire allowance for the month to pay for his chic’s abortion. Chic wasn’t on medical insurance so they had to pay for it in cash. A few hours later, she was back at my place, looking like nothing had happened. Smiling tu kama kawaida. I couldn’t believe it!
I even know one very close friend of mine who “flushed” twice within months of each other!! Ok, maybe falling pregnant the first time might have been a mistake, but I thought that’s how people learn their lessons. From experience. So how do you go out and make the same mistake again? Now that’s just dense! After getting into such a predicament you should learn to keep your legs together. I’m not implying that the sperm donors are not equally to blame coz they are. Some people should be banned from having sex for life.
And also, it’s no secret that you don’t have to go to some back street clinic in Nairobi to have the procedure done. It can, and is done at major private hospitals in Nairobi although on the low low. Everyone involved knows that getting busted means a death penalty since the Kenyan constitution prohibits abortion, so it’s in their best interests to shut up about it.
So what’s my point? It surprises me that in this day and age, very many young people still engage in reckless sexual behaviour. Not only does one have to deal with unwanted pregnancy, but aren’t young people afraid of contracting HIV and other STDs? And in a place like South Africa with a shockingly high HIV rate (official stats at my university had it at 14%, but it’s suspected to be as high as 50%!!!!!) And where many students within the Kenyan circle sleep with each other on a rotational basis. It’s like one great Kenyan orgy down there. I’ve told guys severally that if one, just one Kenyan contracts HIV, best believe that guys will drop like flies! Especially for those who have casual sex when “the need” arises. How in heaven’s name do you meet a dude or a chic, then decide to go bump pelvises bila protection? Are you stupid or what? Some people have a death wish!
Something else I need to ask, does the responsibility of carrying condoms fall only on the dude? I had this debate with some of my friends last weekend, and some of the chics insist that it’s primarily the guy’s responsibility. OK but what happens if you’re in the mood but the jamaa doesn’t have any condoms at that moment? Or kwani the sex comes to you as a surprise? Ati “alaa…. legs, iz how mumejifungua?” I’d respect any chic that takes it upon herself to have condoms as well, coz it shows that she’s thinking ahead, being prepared for any eventuality. One doesn’t have to be thinking about getting laid to carry condoms, just as one doesn’t have to be preparing for a head on collision to wear a seatbelt. Ladies reading this, please advise.
And yes I had to go here. If you don’t like what you’re about to read, come bite my ass. SOME women (note the emphatic use of the word SOME) are very scheming creatures. Some fall pregnant with the intention of trapping the dude if he’s planning to leave her. Of course the pregnancy doesn’t happen via bluetooth or WiFi so it’s not as if she impregnated herself. But surely, if you’re going out with a dude, you guys are faithful to each other, you’ve both been tested and therefore decide to partake of the delicious chicken without wearing gloves while the chic is on the pill, I find it sickening that the chic can decide to stop using her contraceptives without telling the guy and therefore falls pregnant. How does one do that?
A pal of mine in SA was going out with a dangerously fwyne mama who was madly in love with him. The dude claims to love her too although it was no secret that he used to outsource regularly. Anyway the jamaa was about to graduate and go back to his home country, and the chic, knowing that that would probably mean the end of their three year relationship, stopped taking the pill and got pregnant. They had a son about 5 months ago and now he’s been forced to marry her!
A certain control freak I had the misfortune of having a thing with told me that her previous boyfriend wanted to break up with her, so she conveniently fell pregnant as a way of trapping him. It worked, the pregnancy part. Unfortunately she miscarried so her plan backfired coz once the guy found out the baby was no more, he took off! I don’t blame him. The stupid b*tch tried the same thing on me! I had tried severally to ditch her ass but she still kept coming back. So she pulled the same trick on me by trying to have unprotected sex (which I strictly do not do. I believe in no glove no love), but being the sharp ass jamaa that I am, I didn’t fall for it!!! Right now y’all would be calling me baba nanii.
I think such women should be shot. Repeatedly. Then hang from the closest tree until vultures and maggots finish the job. Then the bones should he fed to some stray dogs. I think that’s one of the most selfish things that you can possibly do to someone. I mean….How the fuck? If the dude decides that he’s leaving you, deal with it! Trapping the dude by getting pregnant is not a guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after.
Guys have always been accused of sambazaing the essence of their loins ovyo ovyo but to every story there are two sides! One of which is rarely ever considered. Not that I support guys with such behaviour.
We all know that Nini Wacera spews forth a lot of crap on radio, but for once she said something of maana a couple of weeks ago. Some chic called in and said that she was pregnant and her boyfriend took off and left her to deal with it. She was wondering whether to abort the toi or keep it, seeing that she was still in high school and she was afraid to face her parents with the news that she was pregnant. Nini said that a very high percentage of women will have at least one abortion in their lifetime. (Ladies, again please advise) She, as well as several other callers, advised the chic to keep the kid, even if the folks would throw a fit upon hearing that she’s pregnant. The folks will definitely be mad at you but once the kid is born, it’s all forgotten. Of the few chics I know who decided to keep the kid, none of them ever regretted their decision to keep the kid.
I’m firmly against abortion unless it’s in situations where it’s absolutely necessary. I just can’t see how someone can destroy a human life and act as if nothing ever happened, and then go back to living the same reckless life that got them into that situation in the first place. Doesn’t the guilt ever bother you? What if the kid could have grown to be the next Nelson Mandela or Wangari Maathai? If ever I got into the unfortunate predicament of early fatherhood, however painful and difficult as it may be, I’d strive to keep the kid. But unfortunately guys really don’t have a say in these matters and if the chic decides that she’s getting rid of it, there’s usually nothing much that you can do.
Question: should the dude have a say in the matter? I know it’s her body and the kid’s growing inside her, but he contributed to the pregnancy occuring. I’m not implying that he should coerce the chic into having the kid against her wishes, but if the dude is willing to accept the duties of fatherhood, don’t you think he should have a say?
I’m not judging the chics that have had abortions coz I know a great deal of thought goes into it before the decision is made, and only they can tell you what mental torture they undergo before deciding to “flush”. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. And if keeping the kid would have messed up your life in one way or the other, hey! You do your thing.
Somehow in my own little way, I’m proud of the young chic for keeping the kids. Her mum spoils them thoroughly and it’s obvious that they’ve brought a great deal of happiness into their lives. I hope it’s given her a new focus in her life that now she’ll be more serious with school and with her career coz she knows she’s got someone depending on her now.
FOKOJEMBE OF THE WEEK!!
(Pic courtesy of Sunday Nation Head On Corrishon)
Our good friend James Kamangu has taken Bishop Margaret “The Glowreh!!” Wanjiru to court and among the things he’s demanding from her is a restoration of his conjugal rights!! Boss, do you even know what that is ama it’s been stuffed down your throat by those stupid characters from Maendeleo ya Wanaume?
KAMANGU KUWA SERIOUS!!!!