Finally I’m leaving for Kenya within the next few days and I’m beyond ecstatic coz I really hate this place. I’ve had too many nasty experiences in my three years here to have any feelings left for SA. I just want to leave now! Chances are that I won’t be back next year but who knows. I’ve already made alternative plans for my future and hopefully if things go according to plan, then I won’t have to set foot in this shithole ever again. But these plans are subject to approval by the powers that be, so if the cow refuses, I just might find my ass back here next year.

The worst thing about leaving the country for masomo and going back home is that you find that the guys you used to hang out with haven’t changed a bit. You’ve gone through some experiences that have shaped the way you think, you’ve matured in many ways, then you find your pals still doing the same old thing.

For example, a few of the guys I live close to are bums. I’m not hating. It’s the truth. Guys have been hanging at jobless corner for the last few years doing nothing of significance, just counting cars that pass by and commenting that “hiyo ni gari yangu!” Reply: “Ah kwenda! Si ulisema hiyo Prado ilipita saa hizi ndio yako? Hii ni yangu!”

One of my pals has been “flying out” to the States since before I moved into the hood. He’s just never quite made it to the airport. In 2003 I was killing time at one of those accounting colleges and the dude was flying out. I came to SA in 2004 and went back and he was still flying out “next week”. Ati his Visa was still being processed. 2005 I came back to SA, went home in November and this time the story was “I’ve just got my Visa, now I’m waiting for my ticket.” I wonder what the story will be this time round. He’s waiting for a lift to the airport? If that’s the case, I’ll gladly drive him to JKIA even if it’s at midnight! Come on, you can only chase a shadow for so long before you realize that it’s not going to work out! Why can’t he have done something more useful with his life as he waited for his “flying out” plans to materialize? It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re doing something useful with your life, ama?

Another thing is that at my age (not that I’m a mzee or anything) I’m tired of crowded noisy raves where you mingle with underage girls half your age dressed in nothing more than a belt, getting high on one Tusker Malt and dancing on table tops like strippers on weed. I’m talking about Crooked Qs.




I’ve been going to Qs since I was like 14, and somehow I still find myself still doing the same old thing almost ten years later! See while I have outgrown that type of stuff, my pals still insist on noisy hanyes, just so they can try their luck on shagging these young’ns.

I’ve come to realize that I only need 5 things to have a blast on a Friday or Saturday night

1. My mama, my boys, ok lets just say a good mature chilled out crowd who you can have an intellectual conversation with.
2. A pool table bila crazy drifts and my custom made cue stick.
3. Good music, doesn’t necessarily have to be at the loudest volume possible.
4. Pints, of course!
5. Some nyakez wouldn’t be bad.

That’s it! And you can do this anywhere. In your house, in your backyard or even at (my favourite) a dingy pub somewhere!

At the point where you realize that you’ve changed and you can no longer fit in with your crowd, you start to back off and try to associate with people who think along your wavelength, in this case probably it’s some of my pals I’m studying with in SA. But your boys go like “now just coz you flew out you think you’re better off than us? Fuck off!” That’s not the case my friends. Our lives just took a separate turn somewhere along the line till we don’t automatically have the same interests just coz we’re pals.

Ok, what am I really looking forward to in Nairobi?

1. Pilsner Ice baridi!

2. Kenchic bhajia na kebabs, tena from the Kenchic up Moi Avenue, on the side opposite Nairobi stalls, but keep going up till the end. You know it? Yeah that one. In fact if you ask for me around lunch time on most weekdays, they’ll tell you to have a Coke on credit as you wait.
3. Julie Gichuru reading the 9 o’clock news! (Which channel is she on these days?)
4. Dingy pubs like the one above, Njugunas, police canteens. The drama that unfolds in such joints is hilarious, and so are some of the characters you come across
5. Kenyan music. Boy I’m so behind!
6. The feeling of being around my people than being treated like an outcast “kwerekwere”
7. Capital FM…but from what I hear it’s really become shit these days. True?

What I’m NOT looking forward to

Sacrificing my freedom in SA and going back to my parents’ house.

What I’ll miss about South Africa

1. Cheap liquor.
2. The convenience of life here e.g using my debit card everywhere so I usually don’t have to carry large amounts of cash with me, being able to walk to the hanye or to the garage (petrol station) at 3am to buy stuff.
3. KFC chicken.
4. All the friends I made from all over Africa and Europe.

What I’ll definitely not miss

These fucking AFRIKANERS!!

Thought of the day (leo hakuna A.O.B)

“I am a man of strict and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.”

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