I’m losing blog mojo. The words just don’t flow as eloquently as the ideas appear in my mind. I’ve got so much to blog about but I think some link somewhere between the brain and the fingers has a loose nut. Time to take a hiatus, no?
Ok back to the topic. What is the point of a one night stand? It’s supposed to be like magic, isn’t it? You appear, we do our thing, then you disappear! Simple as that! No phone calls the next day, no discussing how the shag was. If we happen to meet some other time, that is by no means a guarantee that the return leg is about to take place. Hii siyo mpira ya champions league!
Sometimes you’re going through a dry spell and you just want to chwado something. Anything! Otherwise you’re stuck playing bano (marbles) with Nick (“pilot” of the KBW bilaz train) and if you read my 6 weird facts tag post a few months ago then you’ll know how long I’ve been losing to Nick. Dude’s a star I tell you! If you didn’t read the post, pole sana.
During one of those dry days, looks don’t matter, coz after lights out, any woman however undesirable turns into Lisa Raye (in fact, she’ll take your Lisa Raye reference as a compliment of her non-existent beauty) As long as the damsel is willing and hopefully she understands that this is a one day special, then that’s all that matters. Oh how wrong I was!
SO WHY DO MY ONE NIGHT STANDS KEEP COMING BACK?!! They always do! Some are worth a repeat performance while others just come back to cause more problems that I can do without!
And once the concept of a one night stand has been defiled, it loses its essence and slowly turns into a CFA/CSA (Convenient F***/ Strokes Arrangement) and before you know it, there’s a toothbrush in your bathroom. Any man knows that a toothbrush is a flag signifying intention to return. Next she’s filling your fridge with cauliflower and low fat milk and adorning your living room with fresh flowers in a vase. Soon, the BMW M5 wallpaper on your PC has been replaced with the mama’s picture as she proudly shows off her molars and dimples, the kind of picture that belong on the wall of her parents’ living room, preferably wrapped in a flowery frame. Before long, she’s showing serious plans of moving in, redecorating your crib, then baadaye she’s talking fancy weddings with all the relaz from the bunduz in attendance and even names for your 2 sons and 3 daughters!!!
Woe unto you if you a chic takes over your life without you even noticing how fast it happened. And pole sana if you try to ditch her coz you’ll get the full emotional blackmail. Why is it that whenever you’re trying to have a serious talk with your mama, she goes like “before you say what you’re about to say, I just wanted to let you know that there’s no one else I’d rather be with than you. My life was shit before I met you *sob sob*…yada yada yada blah blah fishcake… and if you were ever to break up with me *sob sob* I think I’d go into depression, I’d commit suicide…ok so what did you want to say sweetie?” WTF?! If a woman “opens up her heart” to you like this when you’re trying to ditch her, surely, utaweza kweli?
I just don’t have it in me to be that harsh on a mama even though that’s the only way out. Breaking hearts isn’t one of my hobbies. I’d rather she leaves me and saves me the trouble. I need some mad ass exit strategy! Aco & Kenyanchick better get cracking!
A.O.B (as usual)
I need to rid myself of this nasty habit. I know it’s not something to be proud of, in fact it’s downright disgusting and defenitely not something I should be showing off. I’m working on it though. I’ve only had 1 cigarette per day for the past 8 days which for me is an achievement. So enjoy the humour, not the idea behind it.