(this part should have been posted two weeks ago but I didn’t know how to upload the pics. Now that I do…)
Yesterday’s weather has got to be the worst that I’ve ever experienced in this city in the last few years, by far! Check out this cloud!!
Ni kubaya! And this was at 7:30am!!
I doubt if I’ve ever seen such big, dark, angry and heavily pregnant clouds during my time here. Now the way I’m such a kubaff, after looking out my window and after seeing this very imposing image, I STILL decided to walk my ass to the bus stop in the rain, no umbrella, got to school thoroughly soaked only to find that campus was virtually empty coz all lectures had been cancelled. So why didn’t I stay in bed? You can clearly see gale force winds and floods and you still insist on venturing outside?
Actually the university had announced on a local radio station that all lectures had been cancelled coz staff and students were stranded in all parts of the city due to the floods, but I don’t listen to these 2 bob radio stations coz they speak in xhosa half the time and play kwaito all day long. Anyway, the entire city came to a complete standstill coz of a major power blackout that lasted until close to midnight. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, was working. ATMs, public phones, airtime vending machines, the lifts (some unfortunate peeps in my building got stuck in a cold dark lift for hours!!) the cell phone network was down, I couldn’t take a hot bath, couldn’t cook or make some hot coffee yet all nearby fast food joints, Nando’s, McDonalds, Debonairs, KFC et al were closed. The liquor store just happened to be open, so my pal and I, having nothing better to do with our time, decided to buy a litre of Chateau V.O. Brandy and Coke…
thank the lawd for cheap liquor in this country!
…and we proceeded to knock ourselves out! (Of course I was on another mission altogether with that liquor! Drowning my sorrows after my recent break up with the wifey) Needless to say, this morning my head felt as if I had pulled a Zidane head butt on an oncoming train and lost. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So why do we drink ourselves to a stupor knowing a major hangover awaits?
You’d be forgiven for thinking the title of this post was about something serious like some major injustice had been done to a certain Mr. Musau. I have some crazy ass housemates. These peeps crack me up so hard on the daily! Some of the stuff that goes down in my apartment…we really ought to videotape this shyte and send it to Dr. Frank Njenga. I’m sure he would post the videotapes back with a box of straitjackets! The building committee trustee lives next door and he’s banged on our door severally to complain about the noise, and said that we must be witches coz only witches are allowed to laugh hysterically in the middle of the night. We just sit there giggling to ourselves as his huge jelly-like belly jumps up and down in tandem with his arm movements. It’s even funnier that the dude’s body is so disproportional, he’s a typical Johnny Bravo type. Big upper body, booming voice and feeble twigs for legs.
Anyway, my housemates had been complaining about the monotonous playlist on my PC coz some songs receive airplay from dawn to dusk (inspired by Kiss FM) One of these tracks is Alicia Keys’ Mr Man. While attempting to cheer me up with their own Kao rendition of Mr Man (hence Unfair to Mr Musau!) complete with guitar, the idiots thoroughly assassinated the song! I’m talking worse than Denzel Washington’s shooting in the final scene in Training Day. Sample this:
“I wanna know iv you viu nthe weeeyi I nduuuuuu, I nduuuuuu, I wanna know if nthere’s a nchenz vo meeeeyanyuuuuu, and youuuu… coz I ndowannambe I ndowannambe I ndowannambe unvair to Mr Musauuu!”
All this with knees to the floor, eyes shut in a very deep/emotional pose, and fists clenched while singing their hearts out.
But the part that nearly killed me was my housemates’ chic (in 5 year old girl’s soprano and while brrinking shameressry)
“I like nthe way you ngeeeeving me atteeenzon nthrough nthe night…!”
Let’s just say that I won’t be playing that track for a very, very long time.
Last night one of the resident lunatics told us a story that was just plain silly, hilarious, sick, malicious and sad.
In Nairobi, the railway line passes through Jericho and/Umoja, right? There used to be some bored ass muggers who would wait for noon when the railway track had expanded due to the intense solar heat. Then they would apply some lubricant on about 10 metres of railway track and sit back and wait for some unfortunate victim to waylay. When a clueless guy came by, they would grab him, slap him a bit, strip his pants off, lift him shoulder high and then drop him ass first onto the hot metal railway track (YEEEEOOUUUCH!!) ….then drag him by the legs (with ass still in intimate contact with the metal) through the 10 metres of lubricant!! (Please don’t try to picture the skidmarks!)
Then they’d mug him.
I don’t know how true this story is, but it had us in stitches for hours till when the trustee came knocking, he was totally speechless coz some of us were rolling on the floor plucking our hair out while others were simply lying there dying of exhaustion! I guess that explains why guys woke up this morning looking battered as if we had encountered ringworms while serving in Iraq.