Lately I’ve noticed a growing trend, that of guy bashing. It seems as if for chics, bashing men is the coolest thing to do at the moment. It’s everywhere! In blogosphere, magazines, movies, random chiles all over the place uttering comments such as “all men are dogs! Men are the cause of all problems! We don’t need men in our lives! There are no good men left.” Why lie I’ve been getting increasingly irritated by the day and I just had to comment about it. Probably this job could have been done better by the likes of Udi and Oyunga Pala, but sorry I’m not going to wait that long for them to do it, I’m a speak my peace right here right now.
Whereas I acknowledge the fact that men are not perfect creatures, I doubt that it’s fair for women to judge all men based on experiences that they’ve had with those elements who give the rest of us such a bad name. Women should also take the blame for the way in which modern men behave. Why? Coz simply, women don’t know what they want, and yet they expect men to know what they (the women) want! How now?
I recently stumbled upon Supaflyshi’s post “ Do you know where your balls are?” and I have beef with part of what she wrote. (nothing personal) She says:
…there are no mandingo men out there. Yaani the kind of man that’s just that…a man. The kind of man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to get it or go ask for it. The kind of man who will grab your ass, push you against the wall and fuck your brains out with your panties to the side and than ask for ugali and mbuzi after that. It’s not that he does not have a softer side, he does, but is only to be seen when necessary…
Nothing personal girl, but what the f***? Are you out of your goddamn mind? I highly doubt that any sane woman would be anywhere near impressed if she ever experienced anything like this! In fact, you’d be seriously traumatized and you’d probably call FIDA shortly after calling the cops on his ass! You fail to realize that a man will treat you exactly how you allow him to. This kind of man will take advantage of you later on, he’ll control you and be possessive and he’ll beat the shit out of you! I’m tempted to say that sometimes I think some women deliberately get themselves into such situations just so they can have the scars to show, and can therefore be justified in calling all men beasts, but I won’t say it!
When women talk of all men being dogs, it’s like putting every single male human being in the same category, whether he’s a monk, prince charming or a rapist, and that’s just not fair! Don’t you dare use the argument that given the opportunity, all men will stray, including the monk. (Unless you mean that he cheats on his left hand with the right one!) If anything, nowadays chics are worse dogs (better playas) than men! Just coz you scraped through the bottom of the barrel and scooped up all the wrong elements doesn’t mean all men are the same or that they’re not good enough for you.
Some say that when it comes to dealing with a new guy, it’s better to expect the worst coz it cushions you from getting hurt, rather than to expect good which in the end turns out not to be. But I say that it’s not fair to use past experiences as a defence mechanism for preparing yourselves for future experiences with ALL men who may come into your lives. Coz you might run into a genuinely good guy, but at the back of your mind, you remember that your two or three past boyfriends dogged on you and therefore this one is likely to do the same so you don’t give him a chance. There goes a perfect opportunity to get you a good man.
We live in a very superficial world. I think that movies, Mexican soaps and all those glossy magazines have really disoriented women’s thinking. What is the definition of a real man? Really. The concept of a real man keeps changing by the day according to current trends. Because of this and changing expectations of women, men adapt themselves to suit those expectations but it ends up being a lose/lose situation for us. When the metrosexual trend came in, guys realized that the only way to land some chics would be to add an element of metrosexual-ness to themselves, not the full waxing of legs and getting pedicures like David Beckham, I’m talking about investing a little more in things that a man normally wouldn’t do like buying pink shirts (my beef with pink shirts is a story for another day) expensive colognes and silly creams, switching from beer to exotic cocktails with such fancy names which no African can comfortably pronounce, in addition to “being in touch with our feminine sides” i.e. being sensitive and emotional, engaging in PDA (public display of affection) When this happens, other chics say that men ain’t got no balls. When men don’t do the above and behave in the way we were taught that real men should behave i.e. don’t shave below the neck (although a little trim down south may be allowed) reserve displays of affection for more private moments, fancy cocktails with umbrellas and orange peels are for the ladies so stick to beer and spirits, then chics say we’re outdated and boring. So what do you want us to do? Make up your minds, decide what you want and send us the memo and we’ll get with the programme!
Movies impart certain fairytales of a prince charming who doesn’t exist! No one will come sweeping you off your feet in this world of today. It’s the truth. Those fairytale romances ended a long time ago. But if you treat yourself like a queen, then you will definitely meet a man who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. If you have no respect for yourself, you sleep around or you don’t even bother to spruce yourself up on occasion, then how do you expect any man to treat you any differently? If you can’t find happiness within yourself, then how do you expect someone else to come along and make you happy?
Speaking of magazines and TV, why is it that certain double standards are applied on men? Why are celebs allowed to act in a certain way that we mere mortals would not be allowed to? A few weeks ago, for lack of anything better to watch on South African television, I switched to Oprah, and her guest was Matthew McConaughey who was voted the sexiest man alive by some magazine. Sawa, good for the brother. The dude tells Oprah that he’s never used roll on/deodorant/colognes/aftershave since he was a teenager. When asked why, he explains that he loves being natural, and that his mother told him he smells so good that he doesn’t need deo. Of course your mother would never tell you that your body odour stinks!! Anyway, the audience (which of course is 100% female) oooooing and aaaaahing. But how many of these or other women would ever let their man go natural for a day without kunjaing their noses? Ama coz this dude’s the sexiest guy in the world his body odour’s supposed to smell like heaven?
Chics seem to have a thing for “bad boys” coz of the air of unpredictability that they have. Or they believe that they can be the one to change the dude. But how often do chics succeed in changing a bad boy into an angel? It’s never happened! Ever! Don’t be mistaken, guys change, but only when they themselves decide to change or when they meet the one woman who makes them want to stop their bad habits. Not coz the chic changed them! A few pals of mine have had the misfortune (if I can call it that) falling for these bad boy types. I’m talking about some ruffian brutes that appear to have absolutely no clue whatsoever how to treat a lady. I tried to discourage them but they hooked up with the guys regardless. After a month of being cheated on, beaten and being mistreated generally, they came running back to me for help. My question always is: Woman, what the hell did you expect?? If you consciously get yourself into such a predicament while ignoring the obvious signs, then you have only yourself to blame for the aftermath! When sh*t hits the fan, these chics turn around and say that all men are animals/dogs/brutes etc. How now? You’ve made your bed, now either put up or shut up! If and when you decide to move on, remember that it was your mistake, not the brute that beat your ass up! He was just being himself!!
About men being the cause of all problems, this is where feminism comes in. Feminism originally was about women’s rights and empowerment, equality, affirmative action, Beijing conference, maendeleo ya wanawake and all that stuff. Good! I support that 100%!! I agree that women should be treated as equal to men in every sphere of life. But when some chics take this to another level, that of extreme feminism/chauvinism/ reverse misogyny, all this sh*t about men being the cause of all problems, independent woman stuff that women don’t need men in their lives etc, now that in my opinion is absolute bollocks. Why would a chic say that she doesn’t need a man in her life but she wants to get one with desirable genetic qualities to father her children? Yes it’s the woman’s right to decide whether she wants the father to be part of the kid’s life but I’m so against this coz why would you want to deny your child the God given right to have both parents when you probably had both? What happens when the kid grows up messed up, or begins to ask questions? What will you tell the kid? I’m not trying to say that all kids who grow up in single parent families are messed up, but there are times in the child’s life that he/she will need a father!
Today, chics also set unreasonably high standards and expectations before they can give guys a second glance. Ati the dude should be independent (i.e. not live under his parent’s roof) he should have a high profile job and be financially secure, be of high social standing, he should have his own car (preferably not an entry level Japanese model) and a tastefully furnished apartment, he should dress in the latest testosterone-deprived fashions from Paris, Milan and New York (PINK SHIRTS!!). Someone please explain to me how this makes him Mr Right. Obviously it would be good for a dude to come fully loaded with the above, but why some chics would be so materialistic as to dismiss guys who are still working their way up, shamelessly ignoring their latent potential is beyond me.
I understand the fact that guys are not perfect, but chics ain’t perfect either. Y’all need to lower your standards to acceptable levels and quit stereotyping about all men being dogs etc. What I can tell you is that y’all should stop looking in all the wrong places coz Mr Right is probably right under your nose but you’re just too blind to see it. The good guys left are the kind of guy you’d never give a second glance coz he may not look like Morris Chestnut or Boris Kodjoe, doesn’t drive a flashy car, doesn’t dress fancy or doesn’t have tons of cash to spoil you with expensive gifts. But he is a good, honest, hardworking man with a good heart and given the chance he’ll treat you like a queen.