I was watching an episode of Numb3rs season 2 last night where five Indian girls are paid $1000 to donate a kidney and are then flown to the U.S. where a botched operation to remove their kidneys leaves three of them dead. A rich middle aged man lying in what might as well be his death-bed is nowhere near the top of the organ donor waiting list, and decides to use his wealth to buy human spare parts off the black market.

It reminded me of an article I read in FHM SA edition three years ago.

Picture this scenario:

Girl wakes up butt nekkid in a bathtub full of ice. She’s dazed, her mind is spinning. Feels like a hangover but raised to the power of 10! In between shivers she tries to figure out where she is. No clue. She looks around trying to acquaint herself with her surroundings as her blurred vision slowly begins to clear (by now a black chic would have jumped out of the tub into her clothes and skwaleeeeed like a mad woman) On the sink just next to the bathtub lies a hand-written note and a cheap cellphone that doesn’t look familiar. She reaches over to pick up the note but feels a sharp pain in her lower back and decides to wait a bit before she attempts again. She runs her shivering fingers down her back and goes “what the f***?!”

She bears the pain and picks up the note and reads it. “Whatever you do, don’t get out of the bathtub coz you’ll die. We have removed your kidney. We’re not killers so you should count yourself lucky to be alive right now. If you want to live, pick up the cellphone and call the police and medical rescue personnel immediately. Here is your current location…”

After making a very confused call to the cops, an ambulance and her parents, she tries to recollect the events of the previous night. She’d gone to a nightclub with a few friends, had a couple of drinks, maybe more. She danced with her pals and she met a really hot dude who wasted no time in offering to buy her a drink. They sat at the counter for a while, flirting, in between two toilet breaks. Then…poof! Everything’s gone. Lights out.

Then she woke up in the bathtub.

This may sound like a well thought up story but it happened in real life.

Does this stuff happen for real? Strange but true, some things don’t just exist in our creative faculties. They actually do happen! I’ve heard of a couple or three other similar incidents. Here in South Africa! (What, with all these shifty Naijo brodahs all over the place!) You’re on the hanye with your pals, you leave your drink unattended ati to go take a piss then someone decides to spike it. (You can imagine some dude eyeing you and smacking his lips thinking “huyu msee anakaa ako na ma-kidneys fiti!!) Why no-one in a packed nightclub ever sees this spiking shyte happen…I’ll never know! (Ama its coz everyone else is busy soliciting for sex?)

One piece of advice a pal of mine who did his Masters in SA told me before my first year is to never EVER leave my drink unattended. Even with my friends! I thought maybe be was over-exaggerating things, but after I read the FHM story I decided not to take such risks with my life (vile some of us dished up that medical insurance cash! “Ati med aid? I’ve never been sick in my life!!” Tunatembea na Yesu!) My pals think I’m a bit paranoid coz I always have my drink very close to me and every after taking a piss I get a fresh glass and another beer which must be opened in my presence. Ati “Kwani you’re Biwott?”

Illegal trade in human organs is real, it’s a thriving business worth hundreds of millions of dollars a year. Spiking some hindiot’s drink is probably the easiest way to get the job done without attracting too much attention. Some unfortunate victims have had all their organs harvested for sale!! Lungs, kidneys, heart, liver, bladder, pancreas…the works.

Spiking opens up avenues for date rape as well. There are a few desperate men out there who have been unable to get laid using conventional methods so they resort to date-rape drugs.

So just be safe guys. There are some mad psychos out there. Chunga that pint otherwise you might end up in a freezer, afadhali the chic who woke up in the bathtub!