A-list propositions

I had a chat with some friends the other day and the topic of being propositioned by a celeb that one fancies came up. This is the HYPOTHETICAL scenario. Your significant other has the hots on a certain A-list celebrity. A really hot one. Not these local garbage variety celebs wa kuji-pox na kuvaa shades kwa club usiku, I’m talking international A-list celebs.

Supposing your chic has the hots for say… Maxwell, Morris Chestnut or Tyrese. The kind you know would slice you in a heartbeat and you wouldn’t say a word coz enyewe kuna vile…!! And just randomly they happen to meet somewhere and said celeb propositioned her. And she calls you and says kuna vile she just has to get this out of her system coz it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, a one off thing that will possibly never happen ever again. And she asks you if she may oblige his request. Would you let her? Bear in mind that if you said no, she wouldn’t.

Again I insist, it is a hypothetical situation. Take it with a pinch of salt, there are no issues of trust, morals or infidelity here. It doesn’t mean that if she were to cheat just this once, that she would cheat on you again with someone else.

My friends argued that this scenario could go in either of two ways. One, the shag would be totally off the hook and even though it was a one off (which your S.O would be eternally grateful to you for) she would begin to compare you to him and you’d emerge the loser. Or, it could turn out to be a completely useless shag, but she’d be glad that she got over her curiosity.

And this situation obviously would not work if the tables were turned, for example if a dude were to be propositioned by Toni Braxton, Lisa Raye or Gabrielle Union coz we all know your woman would never agree to that.

Or would she?

Sidebar: some weeks ago I told my (former) S.O that even though I’ll be of marriageable age in 2014, I wouldn’t want to tie the knot (with whoever I’ll be dating then) before I’ve had a chance to fly to Brazil for the 2014 World Cup. Reason being…have you seen them carnivals on TV with nude chics with painted bodies and all the stuff that goes on? I gotta tap me some Brazilian bunda!! I intend for that to be my very last over-the-top hanye before I can finally settle down and tie the knot.

And she said

“fine, you go and tap some Brazilian ass, bear in mind that if I could, I’d take all my girls with me to Amsterdam, and you know it’s no-holds-barred in the red light district! I’m gonna have me a three-some with two well built men with 9 inch d***s! How would you feel about that?”

Eish woman! Fine, you win.

Back to the topic at hand, here’s the question: would you as a dude allow your significant other to “get it out of her system” by having a one-off shag with a really hot celebrity that she has a massive crush on and there’s absolutely no possibility that this would ever happen again?

FOKOJEMBE OF THE WEEK!

Si I said we resume normal programming?

Scolari

Name: Luis Felipe Scolari aka Big Phil

Who is he: Manager, Chelsea FC

Reason: Ask any Chelsea fan and they’ll tell you the one thing we held more precious than winning the Premiership was our four and a half years unbeaten record at what came to be known as Fortress Stamford Bridge. In fact, there was a joke on BBC Sports,

“Question: How do you beat Chelsea at Stamford Bridge?

Answer: YOU DON’T!”

After the “Special One” Jose Mourinho left, even the total loser Avram Grant kept that record intact. Then came Scolari, a World Cup winner in 2002 with Brazil. Under him, our record was broken by Liverpool, and we went ahead to lose to Arsenal, and in one of the most humiliating defeats I have ever witnessed, Chelsea got thwacked 3:0 last Sunday by Man United.

This man clearly has no idea what he’s doing. A combination of poor tactics, poor decision making, ineffective leadership will seal his fate one day very soon, and I will not be sad to see him go. Roman Abramovich had better start talking to Roberto Mancini.

Scolari, wewe ndio fokojembe wa wiki hii.

What’s on my Playlist

Les Nubians – Makeda

 

Ladies, please bail us out!

It’s rather obvious that the male and female minds work in very different ways. Sometimes what may be as clear as day to one gender is complete Greek to the other. And most times it’s we dudes who come out the worse. Coz we’re simple creatures really, we say what we mean and we mean what we say (unless we’re lying to you). So, ladies, please help us understand a few things by answering a couple of questions.

1. Is there a difference between dating and being in a relationship? If so, what is it? Someone I know is of the opinion that dating is ’seeing each other with the intention of getting into a relationship.’ WTF????? So what if you’re already doing everything that a couple in a relationship normally does, including being vetted by meeting close friends and even family?

2. a) Does the fact that you’re merely dating and not in a relationship mean that either party is free to walk out of the arrangement at any time without owing as much as an explanation to the other?

b) Does the fact that you’re dating and not in a relationship mean that it is in fact an open relationship, in that either party is free to date other people before making a decision on whom to enter into a relationship with?

c) If you’re dating, does having ‘relations’ with someone else qualify as cheating? Coz how can it be cheating if you’re not in a relationship? And if you found out that the person you’re dating had relations with someone else, do you have the right to be upset about it?

I’m defeated! Nimeshindwa!

2. Do women really apply the tips in Cosmo magazine when it comes to guys? Apparently there are several criteria that are used for gauging a guy as potential boyfriend/husband/baby daddy material. The way he eats his food, the way he ties his tie, the way he shaves his facial hair etc.

Just last night I was reading the latest edition of Cosmo, and it had an article about judging a dude by the way he grooms his pubes!!! Apparently there are four categories: those who don’t bother, (aka Republicans) those who give the nethers a polite trimming and shaping, those who shave the shaft of the “artillery” and the “supporting accessories”, and those who shave the nethers completely. Listed under each is an explanation of the dude’s probable personality and character.

Seriously? Do women actually apply this stuff? Is this realistic in any way? When you meet a dude, do you compare all these things to the chart in Cosmo so as to deduce what kind of person he may be? If that’s the case, gentlemen, I highly suggest that you include Cosmo, True Love and a couple of other women’s magazines in your monthly subscriptions besides Adam, Men’s Health and Autocar. Tunapimwa kutumia ma-criteria ata hatuzijui!!

In other news:

***This section of the post has been edited for personal reasons. If you missed it, well…too bad!***

What’s on my Playlist?

K’naan ft. Tracy Chapman – Voices.

 

Just a Band nominated for Kora award!

If you live in Kenya and you haven’t yet heard of Just a Band, then you probably live under a rock. In Moyale. Surrounded by cacti and scorpions. Just a Band is a Kenyan musical trio comprised of Dan Muli, Bill “Blinky” Sellanga and Jim Chuchu.

From left: Dan, Blinky and Jim.

Wikipedia describes them as “a Kenyan house/funk/disco band…whose musical taste has directions such as, but not limited to, jazz, hip-hop, disco and electronica.” Neo-soul should have been thrown into that mix too.

(Afromusing did an excellent interview with the band on her blog. Another profile can be found here.)

The band released their first studio album “Scratch to Reveal” in May 2008.

Scratch to Reveal provides a refreshing change from the regular garbage that batters our ear drums in form of kapuka and genge. (with the exception of Jua Cali and one or two others) It is rich in creativity and experimentation and is a break from the ordinary. In fact, local media houses were initially reluctant to play the band’s music and their videos for fear of “alienating their audience.” Though Capital FM regularly gives their neo-soul single “Hey” airtime on Neo-Soul Thursday and the neo-soul show on Sunday afternoons, and I have recently spied the “Fly” video on NTV.

I have to say that Scratch to Reveal is undoubtedly one of (if not) the best Kenyan albums released this year. I got my autographed copy from Blinky about three months ago, and I love it love it love it! (Kipepeo, 2006) My favourite tracks include “Have You Seen Her” featuring Sarah Mitaru and Diana “Dee” Nduba (who claims to have had a sore throat on recording day. If so, she did a good job disguising it!) and “Yamo pa More” a track done in Dholuo by Liz Ogumbo, “Iwinyo Piny” and “Hey!”

A review by WAPI Times.

The “Iwinyo Piny” animated video has been nominated for a KORA Award for Best African Video Clip, alongside Eric Wainaina’s “Twende Twende” and others.

You can watch the video here…then rush here and vote!

Scratch to Reveal is now available at Nu Metro music stores at Nakumatt Westgate and Junction for only Ksh 950. Go out and buy it now! For those of you who are in the diaspora, you can now listen and buy their music on iTunes, PayPlay, Tradebit and Last FM. (follow the links)

I’m impressed by the high quality of music that Kenyan artistes are churning out lately. There’s Atemi Oyungu’s album “Hatimaye” which I must get hold of, Eric Wainaina’s “Twende Twende” which is a must have in one’s collection, Kaz’s album “Somin” (ok, the jury’s still out on that one, I haven’t heard many rave reviews), Scratch to Reveal, among others. There is so much potential out there just waiting to be discovered. If this is the future of solid, creative Kenyan music that will stand the test of time, then I must say that the future is bright.

More information and links:

Just a Band official website.

Just a Blog:

Just a Band on Facebook:

P.S: Please feel free to add your own reviews of this album in the comments page.

What’s on my Playlist?

Have you seen her? – Just a Band feat. Sarah Mitaru & Diana “Dee” Nduba.

 

I’ll be back

Greetings, my good people! Is it too late to wish everyone a happy new year? (although, given the current circumstances…) I hope everyone made it into the new year in one piece.

I’ve heard the numerous complaints that I’ve not updated this blog for well over a month now. I’ve been busy with uni (yes, I’m back to school) and playing my part in donating stuff to the internally displaced. I haven’t ventured into tao this year, and the comps that I have access to are totally useless (400 MHz, 256 MB) and the guys who run the cyber have never even heard of Firefox!! My life has become a routine of school-home, which explains the loss of blog mojo.

Excuses, excuses…I KNOW!! I’ll make a decent comeback next week.

Be good.

What’s on my playlist?

Breakdown – Mariah Carey ft Bone Thugs