February 2009


Man bag

So apparently, I own a man bag. It has never struck me as a fashion accessory, but more as a must have item for the modern man. The man bag has been called all sorts of names from murse (man purse) to others, including several connotations that have a gay twist. (Some bags do look suspect though) But on a general level, today’s man has so many gadgets that need to be carried somewhere! From multiple cellphones, flashdisks, cables, cameras, laptops…you name it. Even Jack Bauer has one for crying out loud, and he’s the ϋber-male!

My own bag has been dissed left, right and centre, mostly by bloggers. I shall not name names, but Farmgal, Ken (Cock and Bull), Modoathii and Milo have played their part in dissing this very vital accessory.

Recently, I decided to empty the contents of my bag and list them down. Even I was surprised! You see, things keep going in and rarely come out, so I end up accumulating a lot of stuff. So here goes:

  • Notebooks, text books and writing pads
  • Pencil porch – with enough pens and pencils to supply a primary school class – they didn’t call me “Stationery Department” in high school for nothing!
  • A pack of cigarettes, matches and a lighter (in case someone privatizes either)
  • 2 cellphones
  • Laptop and power cable
  • Passport
  • MP3 player (Pinky) and noise-blocking earphones
  • USB cable for MP3 player
  • School ID card
  • 2 flashdisks (in case either one should be misplaced, stolen or malfunction)
  • Lots of menthol gum and wrappers (I’m a smoker, remember?)
  • Pack of Fetherlite condoms (you never know, things can change in a minute!!)
  • Digital camera
  • Spare batteries and chargers for phones
  • Loose cash – about Ksh 400 (in case someone should privatize my wallet)
  • House keys
  • Jacket or sweater (sometimes)– depending on the weather
  • 500ml mineral water or soda – I’ve fainted twice in the last few months due to heat and dehydration soit’s only wise that I constantly stay hydrated
  • Painkillers – I get very painful migraines which attack when I least expect them
  • Spectacles case
  • Contact lenses – in case I should end up near a pool table
  • Sunglasses (for when I wear the contacts – my glasses are photochromatic)
  • Cap

I showed this list to a pal of mine, who concluded that it shows that I am somewhat insecure and not very trusting of people, owing to some of the items that I have in twos. Truth is, I hate being inconvenienced. I use my phones constantly so my batteries tend to run out within 3 or 4 hours, hence the spare batteries and the chargers. I’ve had several mishaps with flashdisks so I carry two which contain duplicate data. That also explains the loose cash, condoms, painkillers etc.

My man bag isn’t going anywhere soon so I suggest that you all get some creative imagination. It is not necessarily a hint that one is metrosexual or gay for that matter. I find it very odd that Kenyans are more suspicious of a dude carrying a man bag than the dozens walking around in pink shirts. Me thinks THEY are more suspect, coz you all know my beef with pink shirts!

Now that I have officially endorsed the man bag, go out and buy yourself one. But please be careful to follow the following tips:

It should be

small, sleek, lightweight, and definitely not look like a purse. It’s a way to carry a little something extra that wouldn’t fit into the pockets of a pair of khakis without creating unsightly bulges. Briefcases, messenger bags and backpacks are not man bags. They are too large and bulky to carry on a daily basis without looking like you’re headed to school or work. Fannypacks are a no-no, unless you want to look like an uber-geek and repel women. Also, stay away from fancy designs, patterns, or the color pink. Flight, utility, and certain camera bags generally fall into the category of man bags.

Check out a few designs here.

What’s on my Playlist?

Sauti Sol – Lazizi

So I’ve been tagged by the good dentist…by the way, how can this one
be a doc when she’s got wazimu aina tatu? Isn’t that an oxymoron? What
if she’s busy performing a root canal then suddenly she changes into
the other wazimu? My dear, that Joe Biden tooth job you promised
me…sahau!

Here goes:

FOUR THINGS I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT

1.   Some family and my friends – I don’t talk a lot about my family and
that’s coz I’ve seen enough drama to fill a few books. I get along
with some, but not with others. Every family has its domestics. But we
don’t get to choose our family and deep down, blood is thicker than
water. I’m fortunate to have friends who love me and have my back on
any given day, and I just hope that I can be the friend that they’ve
been to me.

2.      Chelsea FC – 10 years and counting. I remember back in 1998 when my
bro and I used to do battle on the Nintendo 64. He’s a die-hard Man U
fan, and the only team that I could use to beat his ass was Chelsea.
Soon afterwards I found myself watching them play on TV and before
long, I was hooked. The good old days of Gianfranco Zola (in fact, all
my Chelsea jerseys have #25 in his honour) Gianluca Vialli, Dennis
Wise, Mark Hughes, Roberto di Matteo et al. I’ve supported my team
through the ups and downs and I’m proud to say that mimi ni Chelski
Damu!

LAKINI THAT SCOLARI IDIOT HAS TO GO!!!

3.      Good music – I love good music of all genres (well, except shit hop
and Crunk! That’s just noise) and I’m currently working on expanding
my music collection. I need to get me some Acid Jazz starting with all
of Jamiroquai‘s albums (in my opinion, one of the greatest bands of
all time), Jazz, neo soul etc. I’ve recently started feeling
Afro-fusion and I got Atemi Oyungu‘s album “Hatimaye” (Check out the
song called “Someday“, hilarious and beautiful!) and Sauti Sol’s album
“Mwanzo”. I also got me some Robin Thicke and Papa
Wemba…..auuuuuuiiiiiiii!! Ever seen a chap dancing by himself at
midnight?

4.     Good food – I have a very healthy appetite. I love my food. Nuff sed!

FOUR WORDS OR PHRASES THAT I USE A LOT

1.      Shameless!!

2.      Seriasrey (I don’t know where this came from, but I’ve been using
it quite a lot lately)

3.      Oh drat!

4.      Yada yada yada blah blah fishcake (my high school English teacher
used this a lot so it kinda rubbed off on me)

FOUR THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1.      Own these six cars.

2.      Make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate – I attended a
national school whose motto is “Strong to Serve” (I guess now you’ve
figured out which school that is). During my four years there I learnt
the value of service to others. I taught Sunday School and
participated in hospital visits and visits to the old people’s home
and also volunteered at the Abandoned Baby Centre and Dagoretti
Children’s Centre. I haven’t done much lately in terms of community
service but I intend to pick up from where I left off.

3.      Write a book – I’m thinking up a storyline for this book. I intend
to make it so gripping and convoluted, ending in high suspense that
readers will either burn the book, rip it to shreds, pluck out their
hair in chunks, or shoot the author! (if they can find me – I’ll use a
pseudonym!)

4.      Learn to play the bass guitar.

FOUR THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNT FROM THE PAST

1.      Honesty is always the best policy – it doesn’t matter how badly
you’ve fcuked up, but being honest about it lifts a burden off your
shoulders and gives you a great sense of relief. It’s one virtue that
I treasure in people above all other virtues. There is no substitute
for honesty.

2.     Sometimes what you think you know is merely a tip of the iceberg
You think you know someone then they go out and do some shit that
leaves you thinking…WTF??!!! Sometimes curiosity gets the better of us
and when we do find out that extra information, you realize that you
were better off not knowing it in the first place. Like finding out
that the woman you love has had two abortions in the past. Or that
your pal attempted to rape someone. See what I mean? There are some
things you’re better off not knowing.

3.      If you get lost in a strange town, always walk in a straight line
and you’re bound to find your bearings eventually
– this is one of the
only two meaningful pieces of advice that my brother has ever given
me. It came in quite handy a few times in South Africa where my
curiosity got the better of me and I found myself exploring the
streets of Johannesburg and (that other city I was based in). I once
bought a bicycle and decided to ride it all the way from the shop to
my digz. Si I rode for like three hours!! Good thing it was mostly
downhill and along the beach, so the view was worth it. By the time I
got home, my crotch was sore as hell! Didn’t ride the bike for a week
after that.

4.     When a woman’s fed up, there ain’t nothing you can do about it – R.
Kelly was right. When a woman’s made up her mind to leave your ass,
trust me, there’s jack sh*t that you can do to make her stay. And
that’s the truth.


FOUR PLACES THAT I WANT TO SEE OR VISIT

1.      Stamford Bridge!!

2.      The spot on the beach overlooking the Indian Ocean where this bench
is located. I loved that bench. Bomseh, have you found it yet? I
scratched on it “Archer was here – 2005!”

3.      One country on every continent (does this count as one or five?)

4.      The Bermuda Triangle – just to find out if it really exists. I’ll
let you know when I’m going so if I don’t return, best believe that
sh*t is for real!

FOUR THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY (Saturday)

1.      Had a three and half hour French class. By the end of the second
hour, I’d forgotten what we did at the beginning of the first hour.
Surprisingly this is French 2 and I still can’t speak the bloody
language!

2.      Had lunch with my two gorgeous classmates.

3.      Visited the family for a couple of hours.

4.      Took a very lovely lady to watch Just a Band perform at Goethe
Institut. After that, we hit the hanye (my first this year – hiyo
maneno nili-retire) Mwenda’s then Habesha till like 3am, then went
home.

Right, now to tag some people. Hmm….

1.      31337 – we need to know more about you
2.      Acolyte – and you too
3.      Sultry Nutter – this should be quite interesting
4.      Movie Buff – coz you’ll shoot me if I don’t tag you!
5.      Miss Cherie – to make up for not being a good blog friend.
6.      CB – you too


What’s on my Playlist

Atemi – Someday

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