You know the guys who say that God is only a prayer away? Well, they lied. The Main Man had been on mteja since 9:45pm last night. I tried to hola, nutting. I tried over and over again, even asked Farmgal to hola at her Boy and ask him is how he’s lengad my vibe. So the best I could do was send him a Please Call Me and he found it in his schedule to do so a couple of minutes before the penalty shoot-out at the Luzhniki Stadium.
This is how our conversation went:
Main Man: Sup Mishale, what it do? It’s been a while!
Arch: Vipi Dadii, yes it’s been a while….iz vipi?
MM: Jus’ chillin with my angels, you know how we do!
Arch: Er…I have a ka tiny favour to ask of you
MM: If it’s about altering the flow of the big match, sahau!!
Arch: Why not, si you’re the Main Man?
MM: Yeah, but there’s something called Free Will, my son. I rarely play around with that. Who knows, one day I might get sued!
Arch: But we’re clearly the better team!!
MM: In that case, what d’you need me for?
Arch: Well, as you know, we’re going into penalties now
MM: I’m watching it on my 50-acre plasma screen
Arch: You know that’s never been our strong point
MM: Get to the point kijana
Arch: Si you make Petr Cech save all five penalties?
MM: HA!! Earth will never believe such miracles!!
Arch: OK, just one!! Kwanza ya Ronaldo!!
MM: Hmm…. I guess I can do that.
Arch: Cheers!!
MM: Wait, but what’s in it for me? You have to make a sacrifice before I can grant you this favour.
Arch: **cursing under my breath** I was hoping you’d let it slide just this once…
MM: QUIT SMOKING!!
Arch: Mazee I’ve got a loose Sporto in the pack, si you chill I clear it first then we can negotiate?
MM: **Thundering!** YOUNG MAN, YOU DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH GOD!!!!
Arch: OK OK OK OK!!!!! Hold your horses! No more gafs! I promise!!
MM: And no more alcohol!
Arch: Quit jokes, coz now you’re pushing it!
MM: You think so? Watch this!!
***Phone goes dead***
And Chelsea lost the UEFA Champions League final to Man United on penalties. Now I know how it feels at the Emirates Stadium and Anfield to end the season sans silverware. I just hope we don’t perfect the art of doing so every season just as they have.
Still, I’m proud of my boys. After a grueling season, it’s painful to have done so much only to end up short just at the finish line. Many times. We lost the Premiership in the dying minutes of the final match. We lost the Carling Cup final. We lost the Community Shield back in August. Last night, we lost the Champions League final as well.
Avram Grant, thanks for guiding us this far. You’ve proved yourself and the least you deserve is a solid contract. Yes I said it, Grant abaki! At least for one more season.
Captain John Terry, the man with the constitution of an ox. He may have (slipped on the wet grass and therefore) missed the deciding penalty, but no one can doubt his commitment to the team. This guy has saved us more times than I care to remember. Just last week he dislocated his left shoulder. He’s played severally with one broken bone or the other. Who else would sacrifice so much for his team?
The rest of the lads, y’all did well, keep your heads up.
BUT THIS IDIOT RIGHT HERE!!!!
DIDIER DROGBA, you fucking wanker! They (whoever “they” are) say that if you must eat a frog, pick the juiciest. I say if you must slap someone and earn yourself a red card, at least slap like a man, not like your wife! Don’t even bother to return to London, consider yourself persona non grata! Toka na uende, makende wewe!!!!
DROGBA MUST GO!!!!!!
Photo of the Day
I told you they were lovers!
Drogba: Special One, will you gel my hair?
Mourinho: Of course Didi. For you, I do anything!
(Feel free to write your own caption)
What’s on my Playlist?
Crazy baldheads – Bob Marley
May 22, 2008 at 11:41 am
Ronaldo is soooo pretty. Sigh.
I’m saying this because I’m far away from you, and you can’t slap me (in a useless manner; you know, like Didier).
Ok, ok, I’m going. Heh heh.
May 22, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I don’t know why I was checking around for a new post yet I didn’t expect you to until the wounds had healed.
You guyz played gallantly and some players should not have cried. JT & Lampard should have but not most of the others. This was a very difficult game to predict unlike premier showdowns, cup finals have a different atmosphere.
Well, your foko jembe went on to prove to me that he is one for real. What a shame!
The drama, tension and the emotion reminded me very well how it felt in 99. An Arsenal fan after the semi finals lamented that Scholes goal looked like one scored by a champion. I believe now.
May 22, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Caption – Drogba: Chuma iko ndani ama bado?
May 22, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Caption:
DROGBA:”Special One, Should we go to Italy for HoneyMoon?”
JOSE:” I will leave first to get us a nice hotel… then you can cum/come…”
May 22, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Lolling (slipped on the wet grass and therefore)!
A missed penalty is a missed penalty. And then a 19-year old Anderson showed him how it’s done.
I was kind of worried that nothing could match the drama of the last two semi-finals – that each team would play cautious and bore me silly. But there was enough drama and I was entertained.
Chelsea were the better players, but this game is called “football” not “fairness”. Better luck next time.
May 22, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m not here to gloat! Only to laugh at mrs mourinho.
Caption: Can you please teach me how to do a proper bitchslap dear?
May 22, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Can I echo Kenyanchick and say Ronaldo is hot? LOL…that’s the only motivation to watch some sports
May 22, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Dude, si you should’ve lied you quit fombe……lakini hebu ngoja kidogo…**sniffles*** i just remembered i promised you something….a continuation… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(Breath)HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
Ok am good….
Caption: “Is that gel enough for an all rounder?”
May 22, 2008 at 7:31 pm
loved the post. looooved it!! belissiomo!! [licking monitor]
May 22, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Sisemi kitu!
OOOH F that… you know those signs they put when mopping the floor to caution guys something like slippery /wet floor? I saw another one written John Terry! It was hilarious! But Roho safi JT is a rock for chelsea……Haki Drogba should stay! me like him and his gel/hot comb….
May 23, 2008 at 5:27 am
LMAO. I am still high from the Man U game. and its now Friday 1.30 AM. Wah, I love my Utd boys. I wish I can throw for them nyake at Old Trafford mbele I can peleka a big grill there. But I am honoring them by drinking like a foooo this weekend.
As for Drogba, even my 5 year old niece slaps harder than that. when she is playing.
May 23, 2008 at 5:57 am
er…do i have to say something? blue is cooler than red…:D and Man U guys have better hair [i am ducking under my giant Arsenal banners, ile ya Optimus prime. never argue with a transformer!!]
May 23, 2008 at 6:16 am
LOL.
I hope you realise that NOW, the future of your team rests on the deal you made with God.
May 23, 2008 at 7:11 am
I dont support any foot ball club not that i wouldn’t like to. It’s just that I dont’ know how to begin/choose one. is it :-
1.The players (they keep changing).
2.The coaches and managers(they change).
3.The game (Its bound to change coz of 1. and 2 above.
4. Do you get a vision.( i have been chilling for one lakini wapi?
5. Is it just? i wake up one day & its Man u for life!
Somebody please help!! I am desperate to get all emotional coz my time won or lost.
Anyone? Please?
May 23, 2008 at 7:34 am
Lool this post is so funny.
May 23, 2008 at 8:16 pm
U shld hv just quit the freakn beer then the MM wld hv altered the game! So twz all yo fault dude. Hehehehe
May 23, 2008 at 9:34 pm
God wasn’t chekaing with you that day it seems. Well there is always next year. In the meanwhile for comfort please call 0800 101010 – that’s 08000 won nothing won nothing won nothing.
And If that line gets too busy there is another number to call: 0800 6-5 6-5 6-5.
ps: Liverpool have only gone 2 seasons bila. I don’t think Chelsea have had much to show before the last 4 years past.
May 27, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I agree, quit the bottle and win the future games. Get there fast b4 I strike a deal on behalf of Arsenal.
May 30, 2008 at 2:25 am
man, drogba should leave chelsea and follow his suga daddy wherever he goes! he’s playing with soviet…better hope they dod not kutana tena coz soviet is going to show him how to slap like a real man. nyangau drogba. punda yeye.
May 31, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I just heard the funniest JT joke,
Ati what is John Terry’s favorite song?
clumsy by fergie
“u got me tripping (oh), fumbling (yeah)
I had to share!
June 1, 2008 at 1:17 pm
LOL 2half(s), well i guess i can also share….
John Terry and Avram Grant call the police to inform them cups had been stolen from Stamford Bridge. The police chief rushes in,sirens blazing. After a thorough inspection, he reports to the Chelsea guys,”But the kitchen was not broken into!!!”
June 15, 2008 at 5:00 pm
[...] though, they are offered at his discretion, i understand, working in mysterious ways and all that. Example here at Archers’. Prosecutors had argued that a video tape mailed to the Chicago Sun-Times in 2002 showed Kelly [...]
June 16, 2008 at 7:12 am
hillarious!!!! talk of a conversation with sir God, man, 50 acre plasma screen! he he1