Sunday was hangover recovery day so I stayed in bed all day, save for the 20 or so minutes that it took to fix Sunki some lunch. Aki me si I have a bright mongrel? You see, his kennel has an intercom, so when said pet is hungry, he finyas “call”, then when I answer, he barks twice and steps on his empty bakuli. Nikiskia “WOOFANGA!!” followed by “….ku-pingili-pingili…” I know it’s time to feed the dog. Sharpness, eh? Can your mongrel do that?
I woke up much later at about 7:30 pm, and decided to go down to the local to buy some gafs and credo. It was meant to be a chap chap affair coz I wanted to get back home and tune in to Capital Jazz club, but I ended up having some sodas with a lady pal, until I got sliced by the owner of the pub who I was advised by the barman not to attempt a re-slice since he always walks armed.
As I was leaving, I ran into a cop pal of mine who was off duty and he insisted that I buy him a ka-loose one for the road (which obviously became three or four beers) then despite my insistence that I had to leave, he insisted that I drop him home and meet his two week old son. So I obliged out of courtesy coz enyewe we’ve been pals for four years but I’ve never been to his house. And vile he’s so proud that he’s finally got a son, I couldn’t disappoint him! A son is an heir! Unfortunately the little man didn’t like me one bit, apparently I have a very scary face. Kumbe these tu women that I hola at have been lying to me ati I’m good looking? Ladies, am I that ugly kweli?
What was uncomfortable was the fact that the cop and his pals kept vibing in kyuk for about 2 and a half hours despite the fact that I’m not one yet he was saying some stuff about me. “Hii baruhya hii……blah blah burukenge kabisa heeeehehehehehe!!!!!” then everyone turns to me and starts laughing. Seriously, that’s not polite at all.
And that’s a habit that I’ve noticed mostly among msaperes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on kyuks or making some tribalist hate speech or anything, other communities are also affected. but many kyuks have this habit of switching to mother-tongue mid conversation with zero regard to anyone else around them. Whenever it happens, I ask the guys involved to step aside and have their conversation in private if at all they were discussing some confidential maneno. Alternatively I excuse myself so that they can talk comfortably. But when you have to sit through 2.5 hours of pure kyuk and you’re expected to fill in the blanks, WTF??
Picture this, we’re talking about something, probably politics ama whatever. In English and Kiswahili, then dude turns to his bro and starts korogaing in kyuk for like two full minutes before turning to me and asking “Mishare, hiyo ni uugwana kweri?” How the fuck should I know? It’s not like I understood a single thing you said!
In situations that are unavoidable, you really can’t expect anyone to translate or to consider your presence, for example, last Saturday I went for a pal’s girlfriend’s brother’s ngurario ceremony. My pal and I, both non kyuks, sat at the back of the tent (latecomers sisi) and we had to follow the entire proceedings while trying to fill in the blanks during the kyuk vibe.
Pal: Now all those mamas covered in shukas, si it’s too easy to jua which one is his mama? Si she’s that one with the thuthaz?
Me: eeeeeh! Ni hiyo. I can spot that diab from the moon.
Pal: Is how the mzee is shikaing that kipande ya mbuzi in the air with a stick? Si it’ll go cold! Why can’t he chop chop it so we eat? Me I’m hungry!
Me: The groom is supposed to cut a specific joint of the mbuzi’s leg in a certain manner. So that’s probably the piece.
Pal: Ok, but why is that other dude dressed in a shuka and being pongezwad like this yet he’s not the groom?
Me: I suspect he’s part of the crew who took the goats to the bride’s digz. Let’s watch then we’ll know wsup.
Pal: But if he’s the one who’s pelekad the goats, then why is he being given one?
Me: Labda hiyo ni discount ya prompt payment…
As I said, it’d be unreasonable for me to expect anyone to translate the proceedings of the ngurario into english or kiswahili. But in other cases where a few guys are gathered having a conversation, then two or three suddenly switch to kyuk in total disregard of everyone else around them, me thinks that’s very selfish and inconsiderate!
If you know that you suffer from this habit, (msapere or otherwise) please reflect on it for a while and make the necessary adjustments to your tabias. Most people wouldn’t tell you that it’s irritating, so you probably wouldn’t know whether you’re one of them.
For your listening pleasure
Warning: Audio clip is of a very hilarious nature. Listener discretion is advised.
Click HERE to download/listen to Angry Pawn Dealer
August 3, 2007 at 9:49 am
Dust….!
August 3, 2007 at 10:00 am
Ok. That sunki obviously is too bright! So what does he do when he wants a Shag??
And then am glad you realized how (insert proper word here) you are. Daddi go for a makeover. Even Toi’s are complaining. LOL. Alafu those chics si they lie to you just coz of that moti & think you are loaded?
Na hiyo tabia ya wasapere enyewe ni ukweli.Kwanza kwa mat, kange assumes you are all kyuks. ati ”rehee mbechas, mbauni mbauni..” what i do is lenga if he insist i koroga in my lugha!!
PS: I’ll be in hiding til you stop looking for me….LOL
August 3, 2007 at 10:48 am
LMAO eti Sunkuli’s kennel has a what?! You don say?? Lucky dog!
Wee inexess tabia mbaya tehehe..
Yenyewe us kyuks have bad tabias..Even I get so irritated especially when I go somewhere with my non kyuk friends and I feel obliged to start translating when guys switch to kyuk bila warning!
August 3, 2007 at 10:57 am
True that is bad manners indeed especially condi’s and traders luckily I fully understand Kyuk but I totally refuse to speak it (I’m not one in case you are wondering) but that phenomenon applies to other tribes as well but in their rural areas.
August 3, 2007 at 11:22 am
{{{Archer}}} despite the two left feet you are still easy on eye and yes got love for you so be easy.
I also hate it when people do that but am also guilty of the vernacular speaking, nitarekebisha.
August 3, 2007 at 11:26 am
Six, I hope. Mazee that Bow wow of yours is sharp!
Wacha nikasome some more…
August 3, 2007 at 11:32 am
I am totally with Mishale on this matter of tuning out company by speaking in the mother tongue. It is just plain rude, why not go out of earshot if you wish me not to hear and vibe away. Tsk tsk!! Washindwe. I usually just walk off. I have attended lots of other wedding manenos for pals as well as funerals and other functions and as soon as they notice “people” they usually make an attempt to translate and keep us in the loop, mc or whatever or, issue our group with an ad hoc interpreter who will guide us through the ceremony. That is the polite thing to do. Style up!
August 3, 2007 at 11:56 am
Ooops!! I may be guilty of that Kyuk talking stuff. And my Kyuk is not even that good. I swear kwabiriria umuthi ningutiga!!(I will stop from today). Oh there I go again.
I have no comment on your face since I have never seen you
August 3, 2007 at 11:59 am
Yaani the non-kyuks are so on our case..hehe.
Me n my pals, we’re all kyuk, plus the few non-kyuk ones have tried to learn basic mother tongue so even when we switch isss ok. It’s not like jang’os are any better. Kwanza they do it with so much arrogance. I would know, I dated one for many years.
As for the tu-small white lies…hehe… maybe they didn’t want a man with a bruised ego around em. LOL.
August 3, 2007 at 12:13 pm
LOL…@ inexes!
Dust…top ten!
August 3, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Archer….you are not alone. Even I as a kyuk find this tabia every unreasonable.
I went to a wedding and the MC was vibing in kyuk alot of the time and there were jungus. Yaani, I kept complaining to my pals coz even I couldn’t understand jack as it was conc. kyuk.
As for that clip….HILARIOUS!
August 3, 2007 at 2:14 pm
well Ive gone through enuff of those blackout moments but most of the time they are innocent bila ubaya.. kwanza me i date a kamba chile
.. sometimes tuko hukos na house party manenos .. and she meets her fellow kaos.. maze ninabaki kwa mataa all i skia once in while is Kitimba .. . muthokoi ….
now si even me i revenge when i hook up with my kaleo jamaas… he she drowns…
August 3, 2007 at 3:42 pm
ebu post your face here and lets be the judges of whether you are pretty or not.
Although they do say “out of the mouths of babes”
I think that breaking into any language where they are people who will not understand is rude (unless you are talking about them and even then it is still rude) BUT AT TRADITIONAL FUNCTIONS, I think there is nothing wrong with speaking whatever language is in the majority- for example- kyuk guy marries kyuk gal- speaking kyuk at the traditional functions not a problem.Who are going to be in the majority there?
Inter- tribal go for swahili. Lets not do everything in English when it comes to the traditional stuff (funerals, weddings yaada yaada). Kwani do you think that if you went to a French wedding they would be speaking English.
Having said that, your policeman friend needs to arrest himself.
August 3, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Mocha! is a kyuk?? LMAO aki i thought you were Lunye ivi ivi what with ample…..
August 3, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Sunkuli is one clever Mongrel..damnnn!!
The five dogs that were poisoned recently at home used 2 scratch the door or bark when it was meal tyme….
Am a msapere n yes we are guilty as charged though i have 2 say Luo’s also do the same. Its so irritating when u r with ur pals n they switch to a language u know nada about.
The ngurario is a diff storo coz enyewe mob sapere’s n anyway its a kyuk traditional thing n has 2 be done in that language.
August 3, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Spot on my guy! I have had this happen so so soooooooooo many times with kuyos mpaka I have come to expect it. Jengs do it too but far less because they do take pride in their Queen’s English as we all know. So Kamau and Wanja pliz be more considerate.
I see Mocha’s toosh has become a topic of discussion hukuz, now we know who has saved a pic of that toosh the last time it was posted.
August 3, 2007 at 11:54 pm
boys can be pretty- baby face, macdreamy (grey’s anatomy), shawne(boys to men).
Okay are you pretty in a masculine way?
ARE YOU handsome then?
when you look in the mirror and say “how u doing (like Joey in friends)? what is the response?
August 4, 2007 at 5:08 pm
mocha a kyuk? I doubt it
we had the same discussion with pals the other day (all kyuks) and I insisted kyuks are often arrogant and insensitive to anyone who doesn’t speak kyuk. you should have heard what some people were saying….”si they learn kyuk” – WTF?
I sincerely believe there is a group of kyuks that believe that other tribes are inferior to Kikuyu’s which is utter nonsense if you ask me.
August 4, 2007 at 7:19 pm
if theres something ive learnt.. its seeing myself as me first and not me and my tribe. i think we all a guilty as charged so it should no sound like akyuk bashing thingie .. cuz it it happens across the board.. HOWEVER the probo comes in when some posters say ati si jango’s also do it < gishungwa?) so as to justify doing it ..now that statement is is kiasi loaded with a tint of tribalism ……
that said…. aguy… si am the proudest kaleo in the world… !! ….
August 6, 2007 at 6:43 am
about your dog <>>>>>
the thing about kyuks is that the language comes too easy on the tongue..thats why they keep lapsing into it. eleweni tafathali….but i agree..its rude what most kyuks do. especially men!!!!!!!!!!!
August 6, 2007 at 7:13 am
Sunki=Genius
Taking a philosophical look at this mother tongue debate, the issues raised are very true but as some of you have pointed out it applies to all tribes…I come from a family that can only be described as universal…we have intermarried like there is no tomorrow. We are guilty of speaking our native languages without being sensitive to those who don’t understand it, especially when gossiping during family gatherings
Lakini, I will give you the wisdom of my 5-year-old half-luo nephew who told off a luo uncle trying to drill “luoness” into him, by telling him, I am Kenyan, not luo.
The boy couldn’t have summarized it better.
I take pride in my native heritage but I am not arrogant about it. Let us be mindful of others and it starts with you. If you don’t like people speaking their native language around you then don’t speak your native language around them. Better yet translate what is being said.
August 6, 2007 at 10:53 am
Sometimes I’m surprised at the stuff that readers overlook in the post. Like can someone please tell me why the dude was rudishiwad for one goat? Was it defective? Was it a discount? Unajua wasapere na biashara hawachezangi
August 6, 2007 at 11:04 am
Yaani…ni sianda yangu tuu ndio munadiscuss huku!
I am a kyuk…ask Farmgal!
August 6, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I was at a gathering jana, and two of those in attendance were discussing others in Kiswahili (3 of us were Kenyan, the rest were from other countries). They would even gesture with their lips (as only Kenyans can) at those they were discussing. I was not amused by this. Cause I’m sure the folks were aware they were being discussed, but they had no idea what was being said.
I also heard of some Russians who were discussing someone on the train. The someone they were discussing was a black man. And what bile they laid out. Only at the end for the guy to stand up as he was leaving the train, and telling them in fluent Russian that what they did was wrong.
So it’s not limited to just Kyuks and Kenyans in general. It’s a worldwide thing. People everywhere should be considerate of those around them.
August 6, 2007 at 5:48 pm
@archer- you have me in stitches- lol. Ebu tell them, so many things have been overlooked in that post huh?
Someone please, tell archer why the goat was rudishiwad and now even I want to know.
August 6, 2007 at 8:26 pm
The muthafaging goat was not white-enuff pengine?
August 6, 2007 at 11:34 pm
why am i namba 27??am doing badly!!
enyewe about Wasaperes it’s true, quite annoying coz i’ve gone through that with pple of a diff,. culture (Naijas)..the same thing!! personally sifanyangi hivo lool but i’ll try educate my people!
August 11, 2007 at 11:41 pm
jamaa, si you post something new….
August 12, 2007 at 7:11 am
okay, I am done reading this one, like 40 times.Yes, you can now post….I am ready
August 12, 2007 at 7:12 am
sasa kwanini? have I moderated myself? the new and improved ama?
August 13, 2007 at 12:37 pm
ehem, just enjoying the comments..okorwo modo daraigua gikuyu ekuigua uguo
August 14, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Better late than never…. Totally agree on that mother tongue storo. My pet peeve is meeting guys who immediately start vybing you in their mother tongue because they assumed that you “look like” you are from their tribe.
May 12, 2009 at 9:23 am
Lol at baruuuhya burukenge kabisaaa! Hehehehehe.
May 15, 2009 at 10:08 am
Yaani you buy this jamaa pints and the best he can offer you is this!!!
““Hii baruhya hii……blah blah burukenge kabisa heeeehehehehehe!!!!!” ”
Classic stuff
June 5, 2009 at 4:42 am
I hate it too! Though I’m kyuk(well half of me anyway), I speak the language natsing! Whats worse is I spent the first twenty years of my life in Gikuni, the hometown/village of the late Matheri. They randomly start the most interesting story you’ve ever heard only to give the punchline in kyuk! Those son o bitches! Fcuk! I hate it! Then when I ask what was said they ingilia me for not knowing the freaking language! On that note, who’s fault is it if I dont speak kyuk!? I dont speak french, russian or stupid because as i was growing up, no one spoke it! Blame me ma, blame me pa, dont blame me! And this is the first time I’ve come across the term ‘msapere’! Haha! Who coined that shit? What does it mean?