I’m losing blog mojo. The words just don’t flow as eloquently as the ideas appear in my mind. I’ve got so much to blog about but I think some link somewhere between the brain and the fingers has a loose nut. Time to take a hiatus, no?
Ok back to the topic. What is the point of a one night stand? It’s supposed to be like magic, isn’t it? You appear, we do our thing, then you disappear! Simple as that! No phone calls the next day, no discussing how the shag was. If we happen to meet some other time, that is by no means a guarantee that the return leg is about to take place. Hii siyo mpira ya champions league!
Sometimes you’re going through a dry spell and you just want to chwado something. Anything! Otherwise you’re stuck playing bano (marbles) with Nick (“pilot” of the KBW bilaz train) and if you read my 6 weird facts tag post a few months ago then you’ll know how long I’ve been losing to Nick. Dude’s a star I tell you! If you didn’t read the post, pole sana.
During one of those dry days, looks don’t matter, coz after lights out, any woman however undesirable turns into Lisa Raye (in fact, she’ll take your Lisa Raye reference as a compliment of her non-existent beauty) As long as the damsel is willing and hopefully she understands that this is a one day special, then that’s all that matters. Oh how wrong I was!
SO WHY DO MY ONE NIGHT STANDS KEEP COMING BACK?!! They always do! Some are worth a repeat performance while others just come back to cause more problems that I can do without!
And once the concept of a one night stand has been defiled, it loses its essence and slowly turns into a CFA/CSA (Convenient F***/ Strokes Arrangement) and before you know it, there’s a toothbrush in your bathroom. Any man knows that a toothbrush is a flag signifying intention to return. Next she’s filling your fridge with cauliflower and low fat milk and adorning your living room with fresh flowers in a vase. Soon, the BMW M5 wallpaper on your PC has been replaced with the mama’s picture as she proudly shows off her molars and dimples, the kind of picture that belong on the wall of her parents’ living room, preferably wrapped in a flowery frame. Before long, she’s showing serious plans of moving in, redecorating your crib, then baadaye she’s talking fancy weddings with all the relaz from the bunduz in attendance and even names for your 2 sons and 3 daughters!!!
Woe unto you if you a chic takes over your life without you even noticing how fast it happened. And pole sana if you try to ditch her coz you’ll get the full emotional blackmail. Why is it that whenever you’re trying to have a serious talk with your mama, she goes like “before you say what you’re about to say, I just wanted to let you know that there’s no one else I’d rather be with than you. My life was shit before I met you *sob sob*…yada yada yada blah blah fishcake… and if you were ever to break up with me *sob sob* I think I’d go into depression, I’d commit suicide…ok so what did you want to say sweetie?” WTF?! If a woman “opens up her heart” to you like this when you’re trying to ditch her, surely, utaweza kweli?
I just don’t have it in me to be that harsh on a mama even though that’s the only way out. Breaking hearts isn’t one of my hobbies. I’d rather she leaves me and saves me the trouble. I need some mad ass exit strategy! Aco & Kenyanchick better get cracking!
A.O.B (as usual)
I need to rid myself of this nasty habit. I know it’s not something to be proud of, in fact it’s downright disgusting and defenitely not something I should be showing off. I’m working on it though. I’ve only had 1 cigarette per day for the past 8 days which for me is an achievement. So enjoy the humour, not the idea behind it.
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that’s the heap of empty packs that was once neatly arranged in my desk drawer
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52 packs to be precise. Count them yourself! Shouldn’t be giving them free advertising though…
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coz this is how your life goes once you’re hooked…
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this jamaa has time, eh?
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and artistic skill…
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and so is everyone else who’s addicted to nicotine.
November 23, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Fao! Smoking will kill you! Off to read…..
November 23, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Si kwa ubaya, but when did you have blog mojo?Loooooooool, just kidding!
Hiatus isnt a bad thing, they have really helped me out when I needed to refresh my mind.
As for one night stands (henceforth refered to as ONS) coming back to roost. I think the urge to get off the train makes us do things that we normally wouldnt.
I think when they attempt the comeback you need to keep the door closed! No return legs, no nothing!
It helps to be the typical Kenyan brute while the comeback is being attempted.
Resist all changes before you become part of the collective!Resistance is not futile, keep all man momentoes in check, be as flexible as a girder.Take a tip from Mr Big in Sex in the City who at one point in time packed all of the chic’s things in a paper bag and dropped them at her digs!
Now the hard part to deal with is the emotional blackmail, if you have been a hardass as above you most probably won’t have to deal with it as she knows you are a lost cause by now.But just in case it comes up, there is always the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line of reasoning. The good old you need some time apart because you are at a delicate place and need to re-evaluate your life, blah blah blah fishcake!
But on the other hand you could do what I call the fast fade.Become totally unavailable or better yet, leave town!
Those ciggie packs look cool (the color that is).Good on you for trying to cut down, save yourself while you still can!Good art skills too, pumbavu one!Loooooool!
November 24, 2006 at 3:03 am
Aco i have to ask was that a mini blog ama you are trying to give Dr Phill compe
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I can never elewa how a person lets another one use emotional black mail on them, it brings out the demons in me, if i was feeling sorry for before, the first line that is registered in my brain shuts off all mushy feeling that had been there before.
Look at it this was why postpone the inevitable, the quicker you finish with “this is not working out” the easier it will be, thats how i see it any ways, try it, its amazing the reaction you will get(if you get a slap its not my fault). I agree with Aco get a heart of jiwe if need be, as soon as the “sob” starts think of daffy duck with no feathers on.
Smoking Kills!!!!!! am sure dunhill think that they can do with out such free adverstisements from you. lol
November 24, 2006 at 10:06 am
As the name suggests, ONE. no return ticket. Aaaaand, it is not only chicks. one time it got to a point a dude threatened me couz I couldnt see him again. Advice on ONS: never give out tel number…..
This here: I think I’d go into depression, I’d commit suicide…
Immidiate break up!!!!! Roho safi
November 24, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Stick to your guns, no return matches! Dry spells enyewe can make you shop where you should not be. Roho safi mwambie huna muda wa kupoteza na yeye, kwaza akisema ati atajinyonga ukimwacha.
Congratulations on the reduction of nicotine. More power to you as you walk towards dropping the habit. Dude, you have too much time on your hands to do all that ‘artwork’. LOL
November 24, 2006 at 3:39 pm
ONS is cool if you have it in a different town. beauty is not an issue coz it has been quoted before that, “beauty is only a light switch away.” no exchanging phone numbers and definitely no cumback. chapa ilale!
kumbe u are a steam train. all those cigs? utakufa!
November 26, 2006 at 2:10 am
Like Don Q, anytime anyone uses that emotional blackmail on me, any desire not to be a stone hearted jamaa vanish kabisa. There is nothing I detest than having someone sending me on a guilt trip. It shall backfire very very badly.
As for the sigaras, you sure have plenty of time! But it’s good you are cutting down on them. All the best on quitting completely!
November 27, 2006 at 4:36 pm
I am angry at the diss on smokers.. let me go have this ka supermatch then rethink about whether i really need to read this…lol
November 30, 2006 at 4:23 pm
u guy u are laugh out loud poor NICK
November 30, 2006 at 10:36 pm
ok, congratumalations on the cutting down of cigis….but dude, you have time…si you can write some of my essays for me? ONS’s….no phone numbers, let them happen in other towns, even better other countries, when you have a ticket out of there the very next day.No names, no numbers, no cuddling, after deed conversation limited to not more than 15mins of nothing other than the weather and boring non personal issues, no cooking of breakfast etc….
December 6, 2006 at 5:50 pm
I am surprised no one got this – you start by saying the way you have no blog mojo then write a chapter? Actually a book, considering a pic is more than 1000 words.
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