Ok mimi iko na swali. (yes I know it’s mimi nina swali…I think I got an A- in Swa but do I say?) We all know how complex relationships (or CFAs) can be. These are just a few of the situations that we find ourselves in and I’d like to know what y’all would do if faced with such.
Some might seem rather obvious coz of the unspoken codes, rules and levels of loyalty and expectation that exist between guys and chics respectively. E.g. I’d like to believe that guys will always cover each others asses whereas chics will always look out for their girlfriends. I hope I’m making some sense?
For the purposes of these questions, let’s define a few words first.
a) Your boy/girl: your very tight pal, the one you’d take a bullet for any day.
b) Your pal: just a guy/chic that you happen to know.
For the dudes:
1. Would you hook up with your boy’s/pal’s ex? Does it make any difference if your boy/pal has already moved on with someone else, or if this is happening a long time after they broke up? Would you be pissed off if your boy/pal hooked up with your ex, and why?
2. Your boy’s chic is dogging on him, both she and the other dude know that you know. Would you sell them out? If so, how would you go about it? Straight up or under pundez? If somehow he finds out about it and that you knew, what next?
3. Your pal is dogging on his chic on the regular, and she happens to be a very close friend of yours. Would you sell him out? If so, how?
For the ladies:
1. Would you hook up with your girl’s ex? Same as Q1 for the guys above.
2. If you meet a guy and you realise right from the word go that he’s feeling you, but he doesn’t act on it, does that eventually influence how you will feel about him when he gets the guts to step up to you?
2. Your pal is dogging on her man on the regular, and he happens to be a very good friend of yours. Would you sell her out? And if so, how would you go about it?
For everyone:
If your partner was dogging on you and your boy/girl knew about it but didn’t say a word to you for the entire duration that this was going down, how would you react?
This should be interesting!
A.O.B
Archer got a job last Thursday at a fancy restaurant, I’ve never done an honest day’s work in my life so this should be interesting for me. I’ll do a whole post on that later. I don’t really need the job but the pay is good and I’ve realized that iPods and Playstation 3s don’t grow on trees! (check out those rhyming skillz!)
September 21, 2006 at 12:35 pm
1. My boy’s ex? Nope. He’s like a brother. And I would never go out with a woman that has dated my brother before. My pal’s ex? Probably. He’s not like my brother, so the constraints are not as great in this case.
2. For the case of my boy who I’d take a bullet for any day, if I knew beyond a doubt he was being dogged, I’d bring it up. I figure we have a friendship that is real, and deep enough that we won’t shy away from telling each other like it is, no matter how painful that may be. But humans being humans, and matters of the heart sometimes overpowering the head, you never know what kind of reaction you may get. Still, better to do this, risking a fallout, than not doing anything and them finding out and having a definite fallout.
3. I would confront him on this issue, telling him of my concern, and why I think he shouldn’t be doing it. Letting him know I intend to let my good friend know about it should he choose not to change. And if he doesn’t, well, I just go ahead and tell her.
4. I have to think hard on this one. I know I’d be very hurt at the lack of care on the part of my friend, but I don’t know what my actions would be resulting from that.
AOB – Congrats on the job. Welcome to the world of work.
September 21, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Would I hook up with my girl’s ex? Definitely not. Not even if she’d moved on, or he, or whatever. And I would be VERY upset if SHE did the reverse. Why……Uh, I don’t know.
No, I lie. I DO know. Because of a multitude of reasons, most pro’lly not rational, but, well…..
But really. If this was my girl, it would be disloyal to go out with someone she’s dated previously. We’ve actually talked about a situation like this with one of my girls. NO is the way to go.
The one who took too long to get the guts to step up – If, he DID take his time, like a LONG time (s.t. interpretation) I’d think him a wuss….and tell him what I sed t someone earlier this year : You’re not special, you’re jus another guy who got left by the bus…(well, the circumstances mighta been different, but you get the drift, ey?)
My pal dogging on her man – I don’t think I’d tell him, at least not at first. But I’d talk t her and ask her to clean up her act, or else, or sth to that effect.
Hmmmm…..if I was being dogged on? That’s a hard one. I have a girl pal who’s been married about 2 years. At a meet, she told us, that if we ever caught or suspected her hubby, never t tell her, EVER. What prompted that, I dunno. Would I want t know? I think I would. But for me, because I HATE, can NOT stand being made a fool of.
September 21, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Mwanablogu maalum Aco ameingia uwanja kwa vigelegele na hekaheka
O.k there goes my swahili impression.
1.As for exes it would have to be a long time gone and I would have to get my boy’s blessing.If no blessing forthcoming wacha ikae!
2.Most def I sell them out but with poise and tact ie make sure my boy is at the same venue as them.
3.If he is just a juu juu pal I would sell him out with extreme tact.If he is my boy for life…
Bros before hoes, that’s how it goes!
If I was being played and my boy didnt tell me, he wouldnt be my boy for much longer!
Congrats on the jobo!Wakilisha 254!
September 21, 2006 at 1:01 pm
@egm: virtuous scientist?
@jadekitten: leave your pal to enjoy her illusion of happiness. One day she will see it with her own two eyes! That is if her man is doing something shady.
@Aco: Ati mwanablogu maalum? LOL! Sawa basi. Ongeza pia shangwe na nderemo.
Ati Bros before hoes?!
Why would you make sure your boy’s at the venue? Dramatic effect?
September 21, 2006 at 1:09 pm
That stunt on mental got me laffin’ my head out mpaka guys ofis are like am i bonkers? Nao, 1st, my boyz ex, i’ll only go out with her if she’s ex no. 3…. and damn appealing. 2nd, if they be acting, i’ll snitch. Tena live! undercover gitu gani? 3rd, if my boy knew that chic was havin’ freelancing on the side n did’t holla, i’ll do that stunt those nyangaus did on artur in tao! Drama!
September 21, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Done a print out.
Will be back with my peni mbili laters.
How are your maskwembez?
September 21, 2006 at 4:35 pm
1. I would never EVER date my friend’s ex simply because I would not want my friend to date any of my exes.
2. If a guy was feeling me but took his time…hmmmm…well it depends on how long. I have been in this situation before and by the time he mustered up the courage a year later I was in a relationship so the train left the station without him..LOL!!
3. If I knew someone was cheating on my friend I would tell my friend..I think!!! One of my friends was dating a guy and she went home and i bumped into him with another girl and I was hesitant to tell her about it but she found out anyway b’cuz the other chick emailed her..dunno how she got her email..anyway, I digress.
4. If my friends knew I was being dogged I would like to know about it rather than have them tell me later that they knew all along!
September 22, 2006 at 9:11 am
1. My girl’s ex? Never, it is incestuous as far as I am concerned.
2. Depends on whether I am feeling him or not, If I am maybe I’d make the first move because men can be real slow in such matters.
3. I’d tell her to clean up her act or face the music, unless of course they are both dogging then let them be.
4.My girl had better be telling me all I need to know that is why we are tight, if she does not she will not be around any longer.0
Congratulations on the new job!
September 22, 2006 at 11:05 am
first Congrats on the job (hata kama you dont need it!!)
1. I would never go out with my pals ex…. unless am no longer pals with her. Imagine how akward outings and visits would be, especially if the dude is the one who dumped my pal. Nope, wouldnt do it.
2. If a dude was feeling me and its mutual and I see the guy not doing anything about it? I would ask him out. (hey its the new era of womens empowerement!)
3. I wouldnt have the guts to sell her out openly but I would open one of those yahoo emails under an assumed name and give him ALLL the details (yeah am a coward and wouldnt want to loose either of my friends or be around when the shit hits the fan)
If my partner was dogging me, you bet I would expect my friend to tell me. What is the point of having friends who dont look out for you? There is no guarantee that I will believe her, but I would espect her to tell me anyway
October 3, 2006 at 8:41 am
@Mocha: the skwoks are good! Now they look balanced to me! Trust you to remember that!
@Everyone: Thanks for your contributions! Actually there was a hidden question in there and the others were just thrown in to cover my intentions. But I’m impressed that everyone has morals. Cheers!
July 16, 2009 at 2:35 am
[...] years ago, I asked the question, would you tell your friend if you knew that his or her significant other was cheating on them? [...]